Page 37 of Outbreak

Last night, when we arrived, he agreed to let us stay but on the condition that his wife doesn’t know anything about what’s going on. Personally, I don’t fucking understand why, but it’s his house, and a hot meal, shower, and bed with my girl outweighed my desire to call him out.

When breakfast was finished, I asked him to come outside so we could talk. He is fully aware of what’s going on and is choosing to ignore it. He doesn't leave his house much, and his wife only goes where she is allowed, so he doesn’t really give a shit about what’s happening. But he helped me steal some gas from the abandoned vehicles on the road near his house, and we even found some camping gear in his neighbor's garage.

When we got back to the house, Rue was still sleeping, so we went out on the back deck with a cup of coffee. He isn’t quite the same as he was when we worked together. He’s different in some ways. His marriage to his captive wife seems to have amplified his control issues. And that’s putting it lightly.

She can’t fucking breathe without his permission. I want to tell him that this isn’t how a relationship works, and if he wants her ultimate submission, he needs to be someone worthy of submitting to. He can’t just rule with fear and control. But I know it would fall on deaf ears.

I’m grateful for the place to stay, but I just want to get my girl and leave. I hope he figures it out before it’s too late. And with the world in the state it’s in and shaping up to be, he needs to pull his head out of his ass before he loses her for good.

Rue sits quietly in the passenger seat, her legs tucked under her as she stares out the window, lost in her thoughts.

“Hey. Are you okay?” I ask. I can’t help but think it’s something to do with last night and wondering if she regrets giving in to what we both know she wants.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she says, shaking her head to clear the daze she was lost in. “Just thinking about Aspen.”

I should have known she would pick up on things. “I promise, her life with Mav is a thousand times better than the life she had before. She’ll be okay.”

“No, she won’t,” she whispers, turning in her seat and resting her head back, staring out at the passing trees once more. I don’t know what she means. She was only alone with Aspen for a few minutes before I noticed her inside the kitchen. What could she have found out in that short time?

I don’t press her. She’ll talk about it when she’s ready. I’ve never known her to bottle anything up for long. We’ve been on the back road for a few hours; I’ll let her sit with her secrets a while longer. I have my own fucked-up thoughts to sift through.Like how I’m supposed to be punishing her, but I can’t seem to stop taking care of her. Honestly, what’s the fucking point? She fucked up. But she’s still breathing, and that’s really all I care about now. I realize the anger and hurt she caused me pales in comparison to what it would be like to actually lose her forever. When I couldn’t find her in those woods, among the dead, I thought I would die. I never, ever want to feel that again. I really don’t even know why I’m still wearing this mask.

I think deep down inside, I’m afraid of the rejection and how I would handle it if she doesn’t want anything to do with me once she finds out who I really am.Spoiler alert: I won’t handle it well.She’ll end up locked away in the cabin until she comes to her senses, I guess—tied to my bed so I can remind her every minute of every day that we belong together and there’s no point in fighting it. But I really don’t expect her to fight me on it. She clearly wants Ghost, and we are the same person. Revealing my face to her won’t change that.

Unless she remembers why she betrayed you in the first place.

Shoving that thought out of my mind, I debate on if I should just take it off now or wait until we’re at the cabin and she can’t run away from me again. The conversations we need to have will be better suited in the isolation of the mountains, and probably with her leash attached.

Looking over at her, my decision to wait is solidified. I can feel the tension and worry coming off her in waves. She’s struggling with something. I don’t know if it's just the Aspen thing or if she’s struggling with accepting her feelings—accepting me.

Whatever it is, I know she’s not ready for what comes next.

CHAPTER 31

Rue

Nothing is what it seems.

Aspen’s words play on a loop in my head as I stare out at the trees blurring past us.

It’s eating at me, making me question everything I think and feel. Clearly, the woman wasn’t in that house because she wanted to be. I saw the locks on the doors. And Ghost just seems okay with that. I mean, what do I expect? He kidnapped me, and still I have no idea who he is.

Meeting Aspen and seeing a little sliver into her life, I realize just how fucking delusional I’ve been this entire time. There’s no way a sane person gets kidnapped, then entices their kidnapper to do things to them. I keep saying I’ve lost my mind as a joke, but now… I don’t know anymore. Maybe I really am crazy. Maybe I deserve to be alone. All I know is I don’t want to become like Aspen, with a Stockholm syndrome attachment I’m willing to die for.

This is my way out. And it’s my choice.

I don’t know how, and it doesn't really matter, but somehow I know she’s infected. She’s going to die. It occurs to me that this is her revenge, her only way of taking control of her life—her death.And if she meant what I think she did, her husband’s death, too.

I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to feel so powerless and out of control that death is my only option. My heart fractures in my chest, squeezing tight with the realization of the choice I have to make.

Do I find my own way out?

Or do I stay and become just as dead inside as the zombies we’re trying to survive?

That’s what she was. Dead inside. Her husband had scooped out every ounce of life inside her until she was nothing more than a shell. I guess that’s why becoming one of the ‘walking dead’ didn’t seem to scare her; that’s her day-to-day life.

If I stay here with this unhealthy attraction to a man who hasn’t even shown me his face, who drugged me and took me away from my friends, I’m going to fall in love with him. That scares the shit out of me. My feelings and emotions for this man are fifty shades of fucked up already; I can’t trust myself around him.

I think I need to leave. I think I need to figure out a way to get away from him and try to find my friends. I don’t know how I’ll survive or if I’ll ever see Mal and Noah again, but I think I have to save myself—before I lose myself to him completely.

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