Page 118 of The Beast's Heart

“So, did Zane bring you up to speed?” Sebastian asks as he pours coffee.

I slide onto a stool. “He said you’re back with the NHS.”

“Yeah…” Sebastian glances at his husband, who’s hovering at the kitchen entrance with his hands in his pockets. “You remember Doctor Astor, my asshole consultant who wouldn’t help me get another interview for my higher specialty? Well, he called me begging for me to come back. You know the situation must have been dire for him to do that.” He hands me a bright yellow mug filled with coffee just the way I like it. “It’s prettyrough. But what’s the point of being a doctor if I can’t help at times like these?”

“Here.” Zane slides a small bottle to me across the counter. “Hand sanitizer.”

“Yes, please, don’t touch anything that I’ve touched without sanitizing after,” Sebastian says. I think that he’s being sarcastic, but he’s completely serious. I look between them. Zane isn’t hovering because he’s upset with Sebastian. He’s keeping a careful distance. And Sebastian is doing the same with me.

“Anyway,” Sebastian pops some bread into the toaster, “just as well I went back because Astor’s now my biggest fan and he’s agreed to help us.”

Zane breathes a heavy sigh and slides onto the stool next to mine. “That’s great.”

“He wasn’t overly impressed with being woken up at the crack of dawn, but I talked him round. He’ll have the paperwork ready before my shift starts.”

“I wish I could kiss you right now,” Zane says.

I have no appetite, but I manage to eat a slice of toast. Then Zane shows me to the smaller guest room—Sebastian is temporarily in the larger one. After I shower, I lie down. I don’t expect to be able to sleep, but my body gives in to exhaustion almost as soon as my head hits the pillow. When I wake up, the room is filled with the orange light of late afternoon and there’s rain pattering against the window.

I creep through the house. It’s completely silent. Again I feel the sense of unreality descend upon me.

The front door opens and I startle. Zane comes in, folding up his umbrella. “Good, you’re awake. We need to head to the airport. You have a valid passport, right?”

“... the airport?”

“Yeah, it’s all sorted. We’ve got permission to travel—I’m his caregiver if anyone asks.”

I’m still half asleep. I’m going to the US? Now? “What about Sebastian?”

He chuckles. “I don’t think Astor would have agreed to help if it meant losing Sebastian, even for a few days. Besides, he’s South African. He’d need a visa. And he’s also high risk. It’s easier if it’s the two of us.” Zane heads into the master bedroom as he speaks and pulls a suitcase out from under the bed. “We can stay with my brother. You remember him? Charlie?”

I met him last year when he visited Zane.

Zane shoves clothing into the suitcase. “He’s moved into his boyfriend’s place so they’ve got the space.”

“My siblings,” I say suddenly. “Do they even know?”

“Sure. I left a message with Lizzy.” Zane doesn’t hold my brothers and sisters in high regard. I guess because they weren’t really here for Dad after his first seizure. “It’s probably best not to worry them.” He slams his suitcase closed. “Come along, Belle. Let’s go save your old man.”

We fly for eight hours and land three hours after we departed, as if my sense of time wasn’t already nightmarish and distorted. It’s just before 8PM and the air is warm and wet with humidity.

I finally saw Dad when we arrived at the air ambulance. He was unconscious and pale behind an oxygen mask and I wasn’t allowed to get close. The paramedics were tense as we ascended, concerned about what the change in atmospheric pressure would do to his tumor. He had another seizure but they managed to stabilize him.

Now there’s an ambulance waiting to take him to New York-Presbyterian and Zane and I are able to join him as his caregivers. At one point, he looks at me blearily. The paramedicexplains that he’s been given strong painkillers to help with his headache. He’s completely out of it.

At the hospital, only one of us is allowed to go inside to facilitate the intake process. I tell Zane he should go. He’s the one who’s been at Dad’s side for the past five months after all. But he must be able to see how desperately I want to. He declines and squeezes my shoulder. “You go on. I’ll give Charlie a call and let him know we’ve landed safely.”

All the admin passes in a blur. I’m plied with sanitizer and asked a million questions about Dad to ensure his charts are up to date. The hospital is all gray and beige and reeks of disinfectant.

I’m not allowed to visit Dad in the ward, but I’m told I may meet with the surgeon in the morning to go over the procedure and what to expect. The administrator’s eyes crinkle over her face mask as she smiles and tells me to go home and get some rest.

There are two Zanes waiting outside. I have a dissociative moment before I realize that one of the Zanes is, in fact his twin.

Charles steps forward and as soon as he moves it’s clear that he’s not like Zane at all. They might have the same face, but he carries himself completely differently, like he wishes he took up less space.

“Jonathan. Good to see you again. Sorry about the circumstances.”

“All okay?” Zane asks.

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