Page 124 of The Beast's Heart

“What did you want to talk about?” He asks sleepily. “In the garden before Geoff’s call?”

“Oh… I… well, I know you have no reason to believe me, but I was going to tell you the truth. About the kids.”

He makes a little noise that might be disbelief.

“And… and I was going to ask if maybe you wanted to stay there. With us.”

Jonathan turns his face into my chest. He doesn’t speak for a long moment and I think he might be crying again.

“Obviously things are different now,” I say.

“It’s just… my father.” His voice sounds thick with tears and I wish I hadn’t said anything.

“Of course.” I hold him tightly and kiss the top of his head. “I know. It’s all right.”

I sooth him as he cries and eventually falls still. For the first time, I can let Jonathan sleep in my arms. There are no kids to worry about, no reason for him to leave in the night. For the first and last time, I’ll get to wake up next to him.

I don’t sleep at all.

51

JONATHAN

Sunlight pours onto the bed and into my eyes. I turn my head away from the glare, seeking the comfort of Adam’s body. But I find only air. I reach out, fingers brushing empty sheets. He’s gone.

I take a moment, with my eyes closed, to breathe in the lingering scent of him.

I was going to ask if maybe you wanted to stay there. With us.

God, how badly I want that. I take a deep breath but it feels like there’s a boulder on my chest. I can’t afford to think about it now. I can’t think about how close I was to having my wildest dreams. I need to focus on today, on Dad. I need to get through the next few hours.

I throw on joggers and a t-shirt and head downstairs. There’s a chance Adam is still here. Maybe he just got hungry.

Zane is sitting at the table and he pauses with a piece of toast halfway to his mouth. “Jonathan?”

He sounds incredulous. I run a self-conscious hand through my hair and check that I am, in fact, fully dressed. “What?”

“Sweatpants? What happened to you at that estate?”

“Oh.” I feel the color rising to my cheeks. “I needed something to exercise in.”

“Exercise? What happened to you at that estate?”

“Hey!”

He smirks and I join him at the table.

Elam is standing at the stove. There isn’t anyone else. I try not to feel disappointed.

“Good morning!” He says cheerfully. “I’m making omelets. What do you want on yours? I have gouda, mushrooms, tomato and streaky bacon.”

I still don’t have an appetite, but I don’t want to be rude. The clock above the kitchen table shows it’s just gone eight. So it’s what? 2AM for me? No wonder I’m not hungry. “Just cheese would be great. Thank you.”

“Coming right up!”

Zane has returned to his toast and is half-heartedly scrolling on his phone.

“Have you seen Adam this morning?” I ask him.

---