Page 25 of The Beast's Heart

Geoff drops into his chair again. Ray reaches for the magazine. “Where did you get these pictures?”

“I had them on hand.”

“By which you mean you went through his things?”

Geoff shrugs. “I really don’t know what he expected me to do. They weren’t going to run the piece without pictures.”

Ray levels a look at him.

“Oh, not you too?”

“Maybe you should go talk to him. You know, the thing you shoulda done before? Apologize.”

“I can’t apologize because I’m not sorry. He needs to get over it. It’s been, what? Thirteen years? And he’s still going to freak whenever he sees his face?”

I’m pretty sure they’ve forgotten I’m here.

“Seeing his face and seeing it in the press like this are two different things and you know it,” Ray says. “Go talk to him.”

Geoff shakes his head. “No. Screw him.”

“You tried that, it didn’t work out, remember?”

Oh.The private photos dig suddenly makes sense.

Geoff flips Ray off lazily. “I’ll talk to him when he calms down. Or I’ll get Meredith to do it. She can usually get him to see sense.”

“Geoff, baby, he’s hurting.”

Geoff drains his mug. “Yeah, well, what else is new?”

He leaves. Whether or not he’s going to talk to Adam is unconfirmed, but signs point to no.

Ray leans back and closes their eyes. “You can come out now, sweetie.”

I laugh nervously. “I wasn’t hiding.”

“No one would blame you if you were.”

I take a seat at my usual corner of the table. The magazine is still spread out. Next to an advertisement for Burberry, there’s an image of Adam and his late husband standing with their arms around each other in front of this house. Lloyd is tall, like Adam, but fragile-looking. His face and frame are narrow, and his features are delicate but defined. If it weren’t for his pale hairand eyes, I could picture Benedict Cumberbatch playing him in a biopic.

“Adam must have loved him very much.” He’s still so torn up about him so many years later.

Ray lets out a long breath. “I think… I think it’s more that he worries he didn’t love him enough, when he was alive. All this?” Ray waves a hand in a circle, encompassing the room and the foundation as a whole. “He’s trying to make it up to him now. Do what he never did when the man was actually here to appreciate it.”

I look back at the photo. Adam looks so happy. His eyes are crinkled and there’s a dimple on his cheek that’s now covered by beard. Or perhaps I haven’t seen it because he doesn’t smile anymore.

“You see,” Ray continues, “This was always something they were going to do together… but, well, it was always one more match, one more sponsorship opportunity. The crowds loved him. They were invested in his gimmick. So he kept delaying and delaying and… then it was too late.”

“And he blames himself?”

“He does. But I don’t think what happened was his fault.”

“What did happen? If… if you don’t mind me asking.”

Ray seems to sink in on themself and frowns deeply. “To Lloyd? No one’s really sure. One day he filled his pockets with big, heavy stones and walked himself into the lake.”

The lake. The lake I was just admiring. A chill races through me that has nothing to do with the weather.

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