Page 22 of Enemy of the State

Gingerly, I wipe at my damp face and internally cringe at the knowledge that those men saw me cry. I’m not a big crier, but thinking of that day I spent with my mum prompted the action.

I miss her. I miss my dad too. And fuck it, I miss Mercer, despite him being the arsehole that sent me here in the first place. He rescued me when my parents were taken from us, and if torture is the price of that, I’ll willingly pay.

Slowly sitting, I lift the hem of my shirt over my head. When I’m naked from the waist up, I inspect my skin for evidence of what was done to me. A voice in the back of my mind reminds me that I should’ve been cognizant of what was happening to me while I was on that table, but I couldn’t do it. It was too much.

I find affirmation of needle pricks in the crook of both elbows,but nothing else. I already feel mild cramping in my lower abdomen from that harrowing gynecological exam, and I pull my trousers down to see if I can find anything else. I don’t.

When I’m fully dressed again, I slump against the wall and allow one more tear to escape. An impending sense of despair knocks on the door of my mind, begging to creep inside, but I lock away those thoughts, manning my mental fortress once again. The tear tracking down my face is the last one I’ll let fall.

I followed my mother’s instructions to the letter. I learned to love myself, found my power and recognized myself for the treasure that I am, then became more than just a treasure. I became a treasured weapon.

Sean

“She doesn’t have a uterus.”

I narrow my eyes on Jones as he explains his findings from the exam he performed. “What do you mean, ‘she doesn’t have a uterus?’”

He stares at me flatly as he answers, “Exactly what I said. There’s no uterus. It’s gone.”

“Why?”

“I can’t answer that, but I suspect that the likely explanation was removed, along with her uterus. You’d have to ask her about it.”

Jace scoffs from where he’s stationed next to me in the infirmary. He knows as well as I do that Louhi won’t tell us shit.

“Did you find—or not find—anything else?”

He shakes his head. “She’s healthy, all things considered.”

I mutter a thanks, and he leaves us alone. Jace tugs off his mask, and I replicate the action. My friend leans against the metal table that Louhi was strapped to just a few minutes ago, crossing his brawny arms over his chest.

“So, what are we going to do about the hellcat in Eight?”

I blow out a heavy breath. There’s no denying that Lou’s been a problem today. A huge fucking problem, to be precise.

She killed Stuco. She stabbed him in the chest as ifthat meant nothing to her. But that’s not what sent a chill down my spine. No, it was the minacious smile she gave me when our eyes locked. Her expression told me that she’d love to do it again.

The look on her face as she woke up on the table is haunting me. Sure, I was across the room, but the room is small, and I could easily make out the violence and terror swirling in her dark eyes as she attempted to combat the drugs in her system. She was afraid. I hadn’t seen that look on her face before. There wasn’t a trace of it when I practically drowned her. It wasn’t there when the scorpion tiptoed over her. It was even absent when I torched her alabaster skin.

But there was something about this experience that frightened her, and I’m determined to learn what it was. Was it the fact that she was naked and exposed? Or maybe it was the fact that she was restrained and paralyzed, even temporarily? Or was it Jones and his examination?

“We’re going to experiment, Jace.”

I’m bent over the computer with headphones in as I watch Louhi on the monitor. I’ve gotten in this disgusting habit of watching her whenever I can. I can’t resist the temptation to see what she’s up to. Mostly, it’s boring. She’s either working out, reciting song lyrics, or talking through the process of baking fucking bread. Today is different, though.

I rewound the tape to see what she’s been up to since Jace and Vincent took her catatonic body back to her cell. She was still unreachable in the same way she was when I removed her toenails. I’ve never seen a prisoner check out for that long before, and I find that fascinating.

She swipes at her face. Fuck, is shecrying? Why? Did Jones hurt her? I’m still attempting to decipher the meaning of her tears when she begins to undress and inspect her body. Does she trulynot know what was done to her? Damn, she must’vereallygone elsewhere in her mind.

Something bumps my shoulder, and I turn to find Jace. Pulling the headphones off, I look up at him from where I’m sitting.

“Chopper is five minutes out. You sure you don’t want me to stay?”

“Nah, man. You should take your leave.”

He nods, and I give him a note to pass to my mother, when he inevitably sees her. There’s nothing but the usual shit in the letter, but it will make her happy and that’s all I ever want for my mom. She deserves a better son than me. At least she has Callie.

Jace nods and stalks out the door, leaving me alone in the barracks. I’m about to resume the video, when a loud crash from down the hall echoes against the concrete. Quickly, I exit out of the camera feed and rush toward the sound.

---