Page 31 of Wicked Love

Sam wants to know if he’ll know when he’s in love.

I said I think so, but what the hell do I know?

Will he know?

I’m beginning to think

I’ll never know firsthand myself.

~Penn

I sigh, my whole body feeling heavy.

I look at the book again, the words swimming in front of me.

I think we’re cured of Levi peeing on trees.

Now he’s into streaking.

It was twenty degrees yesterday,

and by the time I opened the car door

to help him out of his booster,

he’d stripped down to his birthday suit.

I swear, this kid is going to be a dangerous teenager.

Hoping that he gets it all out of his system now.

That’s how it works, right?

~Rhodes

This one makes me smile, but I still can’t shake my mood. Being around my parents has that effect on me, but it’s more than that.

Sleeping with Poppy affected me more than it should have. I have so much regret about so many things. I shouldn’t have had alcohol. I’ve never struggled with an addiction like my father has, but it’s enough that it lowered my inhibitions. I can’t afford to make any mistakes. My daughter is counting on me, and I can’t let her down. I’m the only parent she has.

I shouldn’t have had sex with Poppy.

I shouldn’t be such a cold motherfucker.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling a headache coming on.

I’m there for a few hours and my dad sleeps the whole time. I run to get food for my mom and eat with her and then head home and hang out with Becca. We take a walk and she talks about the emus and cows and goats she met in Landmark Mountain.

“We get pet, Dad,” she says for the umpteenth time.

And because I’m already ridden with guilt about the way my life is going and because ultimately, I cannot deny my girl anything for very long, I say yes. I love her so fucking much.

We go to Pet Galaxy and I try to talk her into a fish, butwouldn’t you know it…there’s a fresh batch of dogs and cats up for adoption. I move toward the cats because I’ve heard they’re easier to take care of, but Becca goes straight for a little grey-and-white dog. I cringe just looking at it. Hairless except for the mad scientist wisps of hair on its head, its body is spotted and its brown eyes are sheepish as it gazes up at us…with its tongue out. Does it have a single tooth? I’m not sure.

“Look, Dad!” Becca turns to me and sticks her tongue out.

I laugh and shake my head at the same time. “How about this one?” I point to the beautiful cat behind us.

She shakes her head. “No, him.” She points at the hairless dog.

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