Page 37 of Wicked Love

“Look, Tobias, this isn’t easy for me either. But he’s our dad, and at the very least, Mom needs us.”

“Mom has never needed us. She’s always put him before everyone and everything, especially you and me.”

“That may be true, but her family's on the other side of the world and we're at least close enough to remind her to eat and whatnot.”

His exhale is loud in the phone. “I’m sorry you're left todeal with it alone. I just don't think I can do this. I can't afford the time away from work right now. What good does it do if I just end up resenting both of them more?”

“Okay,” I say, conceding. “As long as you don’t regret not seeing him later. I don't think he's got long.”

“I wish I could say I would regret things with Dad. Maybe I will. But all I regret right now is that he hasn't been a better fucking father.”

“That's fair,” I say. “I feel mostly the same, honestly. I guess I feel the need to try, but that doesn't mean you have to. He certainly doesn't deserve it from either one of us.”

“You've got that right. We both have the physical and mental scars to prove it. Look, you're a bigger man than I am, Bowie. We've always known that. Since you were a kid. You've been the star child.”

“Don't say that, Tobias. Come on.”

He laughs, but it rings hollow.

“I love you, Tobias.” I rarely ever say it, so I think it catches him off guard. It does me too, honestly, but sitting at my father’s bedside with too much time to think might be messing with my head more than I realized.

“I love you too, little brother. I'm sorry,” he says.

“Don't be. If anyone gets it, it’s me.”

“I would be there for you more than anyone else. Except I’d have to see Mom and Dad if I did that.” He laughs again and this time I do too.

“I don't need to see you all the time to know you love me,” I tell him.

I wish my daughter could know her uncle better, but that’s not something I want to guilt him into doing. Just another reason I appreciate the bond I have with the guys on the team. They’ve been the family we needed.

“I’ve done a sorry job of showing it, but thanks for sayingthat anyway. All right, motherfucker. Go be the awesome person you are. I'll keep being the scoundrel. Maybe I'll show up there one of these days.”

“I won't hold my breath,” I grumble, but it doesn’t have any bite. “Talk to you later.”

“Bye, Bow.”

I hang up and stare out the window. Martha skitters over to her water bowl and takes a long drink and then looks over at me. I chuckle when I see the pink bow Becca’s put in her hair. When Sadie got back from her honeymoon and met Martha, she had a little bag of dog goodies for us the next time we saw her.

“Hi, Dad,” Becca says when she walks into the room.

“Hi, Tater Tot.”

“We see Poppy today.”

This is how she begins most days, and every day, I think of an excuse for why we can’t. Today, though, I pause before going straight to no and gradually nod.

“Okay,” I say.

“Okay!” She claps. “We take Martha.”

“I’ll have to call the facility and see if Martha is allowed. If they say yes, we’ll take her. If they say no, she’ll stay home.”

Becca looks sad for a second, but then she looks around the room. I laugh when she picks up my phone and brings it to me.

Someone named Janice answers and when I tell her my name, she has a momentary freak-out. She gives me the schedule for the day and assures me that it’s fine to bring Martha as long as she’s well-trained. When I hang up, I smile at my daughter.

“Okay, we can take Martha.”

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