Page 14 of Wild Ride

Plus, I learned a lot by watching streaming shows and movies about how relationships on the outside seem to work. It feels like I’m in another world out here. Nothing is the same as it is inside the Haven, and it’s almost as if I’m a toddler walking and then running for the first time. Tasting foods for the first time—everything for the very first time.

“Interesting. And your mother was from there?” Justin asks.

I shrug a shoulder. “I don’t think so,” I say. “I have an actual birth certificate from a hospital, and they don’t have those there. It says I was born in North Carolina. So I assume she was here somewhere at one point.”

“Wild,” Justin exhales.

I’m not sure it’swild, but I suppose it could be to someone who didn’t live that life. I’m really not sure how the rest of the world views the lifestyle at the Haven, just what Briana has told me. I don’t have anyone else other than her to talk to about it. Right now, I feel like I’m unloading unnecessary shit on both of these men, but I’m desperate to learn about my father.

“I guess, but really, I came here because I wanted to learn about my father, about Nathan.”

The men share a glance with one another, and I would love to know what they’re thinking, but I can’t tell by just watching them. Bullet turns to me, his gaze focused on mine. I stare at him, not even blinking as I watch him and wait for whatever it is he’s about to say. I know it’s going to be big.

“Shade was his name. I don’t know Nathan. We called him Shade, and he was the best man I’ve ever known. He was a father to me. What he wasn’t was a father to you.”

I gasp at his words. They hurt as if he’s physically assaulted me. I know that he hasn’t, but my entire soul and body ache. He stands from his bench and reaches into his pocket, tosses out a few dollars, and then stomps away.

Tears prick the backs of my eyes, and I try my hardest not to let them fall. I don’t know why he’s so angry with me. I’m not sure what I did, but maybe my being here hurts him so badly that he wants to hurt me back.

It works.

It’s clear that he had great love for my father, and I’m sad that I’ve hurt him. Once Bullet walks away, I turn to Justin, who shifts uneasily in his seat. He is upset as well, but he doesn’t sayanything to me about himself or how he feels about me speaking of Nathan.

“Bullet and your father were very close. You have to understand we didn’t even know you existed until after he died. So to not only find out about you but to then discover that you inherited everything, it was quite a shock.”

Snapping my brows together, I look down at my empty salad plate, then lift my gaze back to meet his. I’m trying really hard not to cry right now. Wringing my fingers together in my lap, I inhale a deep breath, hold it for a moment, and then let it out slowly before I find his eyes again.

“I didn’t know he existed until I was fourteen years old. My mother told me that he was a monster out to get us. To hurt us. A shadow whose name I couldn’t ever even whisper, or he might appear and take me away.

“She made me promise on her deathbed that I wouldn’t ever go looking for him. I never did it out of respect for her, but when the letter from John arrived, it seemed that it was meant to be. I always wanted to know him, and now I can do so through the people who loved him.”

“A monster?” he asks.

“A monster.”

It somehow feels wrong to tell Justin all of this. I don’t know why, but the details feel as if they belong to someone special. Someone like Bullet. And that is so weird. I don’t even know how to feel aboutthat. I don’t know him, and yet, I want to divulge personal emotions and secrets to him.

I tamp that need down because clearly, he hates my mere existence.

“I appreciate you inviting me to lunch,” I murmur.

I’m not sure what to say, but Justin isn’t shy when it comes to his words. He starts talking, and by the end, I want to know every single person whose life my father touched.

“Shade was what we called him, your father. He had a chosen family here. People who loved him like a father, brother, uncle, and friend. What he didn’t have was a blood family. But he didn’t need them. He was the happiest person I ever knew. But now I can’t help but wonder if that was a facade because he didn’t have the one person he knew was his out there somewhere in the world.”

Pinching my eyes closed, I try not to let the tears fall, but for whatever reason, this man continues speaking and doesn’t stop. He also doesn’t even try to sugarcoat anything, but then again, maybe that’s what he is doing. Sugarcoating is what is actually much worse, and my stomach twists at the thought of that.

“It took John hiring a private detective to find you, Dakota. It took over a month. This makes me confident in assuming that Shade had no clue where you were all of these years. I don’t know the details. I’m not sure if anyone in the club does, but what I can tell you is that if Shade knew where you were, he would have stopped at nothing to find you. So, in that regard, your mother was right. He would have been right fucking there. But he was no monster. Rough around the edges, not perfect in any way, but not a fucking monster, I can promise you that shit.”

The tears silently stream down my cheeks as I lift my gaze to meet his. “I’m here to find out the truth,” I whisper. “I want to know everything I can. And I wish he were here to tell me all the things.”

Justin’s lips lift in a smirk, but the slight smile doesn’t reach his eyes. Instead, he clears his throat. “Then you came to the right place. I’m sure you’ll be going to his house today, but tomorrow around noon, come to this address, and you can eat some good grilled food and meet some of the men he considered family.”

I watch as he scribbles something down on a napkin. He slides it across to me, and I look down. It’s an address.

“Will you be there?” I ask before I lift my gaze to meet his.

“I’ll be there.”

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