Page 79 of Lost In Kakadu

Mackenzie cupped her face and then kissed her forehead. “Do you want to read it to me?”

“Yes, please.” She patted the chair beside her. “Take a seat.”

“Let me get a drink first … and a box of tissues.” He chuckled.

As he walked away, she wondered if he was genuinely interested in the letter or if he was doing this for her. It didn’t matter. She was just pleased to be finally sharing some of Charlie’s letters with him. They deserved to be heard.

Mackenzie returned with a water bottle and slipped into the seat beside her.

“Ready?” She beamed.

“As I’ll ever be.”

She lifted the letter and began to read.

Dear Sue,

Every night I lay awake searching my soul for the right words. I’m hurt that you won’t take my calls or let me talk to you. Please listen to what I have to say.

I now realise it was my fault that you had the affair. I wish I had seen it sooner. I’m the one who pushed you into Peter’s arms. I was married to my work, and it got in the way of my love for you. I’m sorry. I want to make it up to you, to show you the real me. I’m willing to forgive and forget. Please do the same for me.

I’m slowly dying with every breath I take without you and Holly in my life. I am a wilting plant, being poisoned with guilt, waiting to die a shrivelled, pathetic stick.

Please don’t return this letter, I beg you to re-think your decision to cut me out of your life. We have a daughter, and she deserves a father, one who loves her beyond anything.

I will love you forever, no matter what.

Charlie.

A frown corrugated his forehead. “Do you think she read it?”

“I think she read every one of them. The envelope seals are always broken. But she still returned them.”

“Wow. That’s cold.”

“Yeah.” Abi silently read over the words again.

“When you say you can relate to what he wrote, were you the one having the affair or was Spencer?”

In the firelight, Mackenzie’s eyes were a lovely shade of golden honey, she could gaze into them forever. Lowering her focus to her dirty fingernails she cleared her throat, readying to say something she’d never voiced before. “Spencer had many affairs.” Her chin quivered.

Mackenzie wrapped his arms around her, and she wept on his shoulder. It had been an eternity since she’d held a man and it was a truly heavenly experience.

“You don’t think they were your fault, do you?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“Don’t be silly, Abi. You can’t force someone to be unfaithful. It’s their choice.”

She pulled back from him, aware that she was feeling emotions that were completely inappropriate. Mackenzie would never feel the same way about her. It was time to be truthful, no matter how much it hurt. “But I was awful. A bitch. I didn’t show him love. God, Ididn’t even know what love was. I hated the intimacy. Repulsed by it.”

“You must’ve loved him at some time. You married him.”

“He was right for me.” She sighed.

Mackenzie cocked his head. “What doesthatmean?”

“This is going to sound shallow, but it’s what I was brought up to believe. Spencer was nearly twenty years older than me?—”

---