Page 45 of Kylan

He shook his head and shrugged. “No... Yes. I don’t know.”

“Did someone hurt you?”

“No,” he said. “I can’t be with anyone else. I don’t work. I can’t... I won’t have anyone else touch me but you two.” He cried again. “I belong to you both, even if you don’t belong to me.”

Wait . . .

What?

“Kylan,” I began.

“I don’t know how to do this,” he cried. “I thought I could. I thought I could keep it all separate, but now I don’t know.”

The more he said, the more confused I became.

“You don’t know how to do what?” Leon asked. “Be with us?”

“Yes!” he cried. “I want more. I mean it’s more than I’ve ever had. It’s more than I ever dreamed I would everhave.” He sobbed, fresh tears rolling down his face. “But it’s somehow not enough. I came here with nothing. I have nothing. No one. I’m so fucking alone it kills me, and then I get a taste of this, of what I could have, but it...” He screwed his face up. “I don’t even know. It feels just out of reach. What I want is so close I could even hold it, but it’s not mine. It will never be mine and it fucking kills me. This is killing me. Because I never wanted anything before.” He was mad now. “I never needed anything or anyone, and I was doing just fine without it. I could be numb to it all and nothing would hurt me. And now...”

He looked at me, then at Leon, his eyes wide and so terribly sad. “And now it hurts so fucking bad.”

I wasn’t sure what to say.

I had no words. I was still trying to get my head around everything he’d just said, and I wasn’t sure I was following.

The bottom line was clear though.

“We failed you,” I whispered. Both Leon and Kylan’s eyes flashed to mine. I rubbed Ky’s back. “You’re confused and hurting and that means we didn’t do our jobs.”

The pain in Leon’s eyes hurt more than anything I’d experienced in my life. Then he looked at Ky. “Are you... are you saying you don’t want this? Do you want out of the contract?”

“I don’t want the stupid fucking contract,” he said, and he climbed off Leon’s lap and scampered to the end of the sofa like a scared baby animal. “I want you to wantme without a contractual obligation. I thought I had security in that stupid NDA. I thought it meant something. I thought it was a security blanket. But it feels like it’s suffocating me.”

“Then we’ll get rid of it,” Leon said.

Ky gasped, his eyes wide with fear. Panicked, he reached out and grabbed Leon’s arm. “No. Please don’t leave me. I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t know what I’d do without you...”

And I think I finally understood.

The pieces of this messed-up jigsaw puzzle were finally taking shape.

He didn’t want the contract. He wanted more. He was numb to everything before and now he wasn’t, because now he wasfeeling.

He was in love with us.

“Ky, sweetheart,” I whispered.

“I don’t want your pity,” he said. “And I don’t want the NDA but please don’t get rid of me. I will take anything you give me. I thought I could leave but I can’t. I thought being with you knowing you’d never love me would kill me,” he shook his head, more tears spilling down his cheeks. “But not being with you at all would hurt so much worse. I’m pathetic and greedy, and I shouldn’t want more than you already give. You already give me so much. But I want more. I want this. I want you both, and I know I can’t have it... I saw Fitch with Dom, and Benji and Nolan, and they’re so in love and I thought... I want that. Why can’t I have that? Because you two have each other, and I’m not part of that, that’swhy. You know I once told Fitch the whole daddy thing wasn’t real, just a fantasy you played until you went back to a reality where we don’t exist. And now look at me. I fucking fell for it. God, I should have never let myself feel anything. I’m such an idiot.” He shook his head again, wiping his nose on the back of his arm. He stood up. “I should go. I’m really sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucked up. I shouldn’t have come here today. I wasn’t gonna and I should have known better.”

“Ky, wait,” I said, getting to my feet as he took a step back.

He shook his head. “I can’t stay. I’m sorry.”

He looked at Leon, and I looked at Leon. And Leon just sat there, dumbstruck and so fucking sad.

What did that mean?

Was he just letting him go?

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