Page 61 of Kylan

“I don’t talk about this,” I said, the soup I’d eaten suddenly feeling a little off in my belly. “With anyone. Not even Fitch and Benji. It’s not good for me.”

“It’s okay,” Marek said. “You don’t have to tell us now. Just whenever you’re ready.”

“Or with someone else,” Leon murmured. “You can talk to a professional, if you’d prefer. If you’re more comfortable. Whatever you want.”

I’d rather not talk about it at all.

But it felt like a dam about to burst. Like one more setback and it would drag me under for good.

I let out a slow breath. “I want to talk about it but maybe not yet. I know I should. Probably. But...”

They both waited.

“My father wasn’t a nice man,” I began. “He’d lose his temper and...”

My stomach began to roll.

I licked my lips, trying to get the words out. “He would... the extension cord was his favourite...” I shook my head.

“Jesus Christ,” Leon hissed.

“He caught me wearing my sister’s skirt and...” I shook my head. “I’d locked the bathroom door so no one could see me, but he’d had a bad day...”

Marek sobbed and pulled me onto his lap. “My poor sweet boy,” he whispered, over and over.

Leon kept his arms around us both, his arms trembling.

“I would disappear,” I whispered. “Into my mind. And I could separate it all and lock it away.”

Marek held me so damn tight and Leon rocked us back and forth, and I closed my eyes and let their strength surround me. Protect me.

I felt so small compared to them.

It was almost as if they were giants who scooped me up so the monsters couldn’t reach me.

In my mind I pretended that’s what they were, and I was their little one they’d protect and defend. No matter what I wore, no matter who I was.

And a part of my brain knew this wasn’t healthy, this disassociation, and that maybe I should talk to a professional, like Leon had said. Maybe I would one day.

But today I’d said enough. I didn’t want to rip open old wounds any more than I already had.

Not today.

I’d been through enough. I was drained enough.

“I feel safe with you,” I said to them. “I’m safe here with you both, like this. In your arms, in your house. Nothing in the world can hurt me.”

Leon pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Never again. No one will ever hurt you again. And that includes me and us. I promise. I promise you both, I will do everything to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

Marek held my head to his chest, his thumping heart the most soothing sound. “We both will. The three of us together. I promise, Ky. And Leon, I promise you too.”

I could have almost cried again.

They really were serious about this.

“How will it work? What does it mean?” I asked quietly.

Leon let us go, just enough so I could look up at him. “Well, that’s what we need to discuss. Openly and honestly. About what we want and what we need from each other. If you even want it at all?”

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