Page 48 of Kylan

“Are you okay?” Leon asked.

I looked up at him from the chaise. I called this room the music room because of the grand piano, though it never got played. The dark blue walls, dark purple furnishings, large gold framed artworks, and lavish black-and-gold accents made for a space I found peaceful.

And a little melancholy.

Which was perhaps why I found myself curled up on the chaise, staring out the window.

“No,” I replied quietly. “I’m not okay.”

Leon’s face fell. The pain and anguish on his face should have tortured me, but I almost felt glad that he was hurting too.

“Can I get you anything?” he asked.

Telling him he could get me Kylan seemed pointless.I went back to staring out the window. “No,” I murmured.

He stood there for half a minute, silent and sorry, but I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t.

And then he turned and walked out.

I didn’t eat dinner. Couldn’t stomach the thought of food.

I curled up on the sofa in the dark and watched old black-and-white foreign films without the subtitles. No idea what language they were. None of it mattered.

I fell asleep there. For the first time in our relationship, in our marriage, I’d refused to share a bed with Leon.

I was hurting.

And all I could think about was Kylan.

What was he doing? Where was he? Was he okay?

Was he safe?

I wanted to text him, to call him. But what could I say?

That I was sorry?

It still didn’t change anything.

Would it hurt him more if I reached out?

I wasn’t sure.

I kept replaying in my mind what he’d said. That he wanted us, that he needed to be with us. That he hated how he’d let himself feel anything.

That he wanted what we had.

That he wanted us despite knowing we could never love him.

I should have stopped him right there. I should havetold him that we did love him... Well, that I loved him. I was sure Leon did too. But instead we’d let him think we didn’t, and then we’d let him leave.

We’d given that boy a glimmer of hope, and we’d snuffed it out when he needed it most.

When he’d needed us the most.

We’d failed him.

What had Leon said? We weren’t ready for him?

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