Page 16 of Rancher's Pride

“Why aren’t you resting?” His voice took away the chill, with a warmth that rivaled the warmest summer day, and even in the cold, I could smell him as he approached. The warm citrus, pine and leather.

This is what had filled my dreams for the last five years.

“I’m fine Nash, it feels good to be moving around.” I glanced over my shoulder and smiled, but not turning to face him.

“I don’t care that you’re fine. You had a baby a week ago. You should be resting, not standing out in the cold staring into the snow. Get back to the house.” His tone was gruff, and I didn’t want to fight with him, but I wasn’t about to let him decide my life for me.

“When you have a baby, let me know how it feels to be cooped up in a house with people always watching you, making sure you don’t get too close to the door, or find the car keys because they’re worried you might leave again.” My nose stung, and I was trying not to cry in front of him. I couldn’t take the humiliation.

“You’re supposed to be resting. Jake said you need to accept the help, don’t you remember?” He took his cowboy hat off and ran his hand through his hair. It was his tell when he was frustrated, and I used to see it a lot when we were angry at one another. “Go back to the house.” This time, his tone was forceful and fierce. He wasn’t asking, he was telling me.

“Nash, I don’t need you telling me what to do. You aren’t my husband.” The words rolled off my tongue before I could stop them.

“No, I’m not, but I should’ve been.” He reached out and gently placed his hand on my cheek, his thumb rubbing something off my face, his eyes locked on mine and I was frozen where I stood. He turned and walked off to the barn. I backed up and pressed my back against the fence. Slowly, I sat down in the snow as I replayed his words over.

I’d never seen that much passion or caring from Andrew. But it had been commonplace with Nash. I never had to guess how he felt, but tonight it was fury, and that look I was used to.

I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting there, letting those words roll around in my head ‘I should’ve been’.

“Fallon, are you alright?” My mother stood in front of me, her hands gripping the much too big jacket tightly around her.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Oh no! The cinnamon rolls, I forgot they were in the oven.” I went to get up, and she gently helped me off the ground and held my hand.

“I’ll get them. It’s actually what made me come look for you.” She moved her hand to my back and guided me to the house.

I could smell the warm, caramelized sugar and yeast wafting out of the house. It made my stomach growl, and I wondered when I’d actually eaten last.

“All right, now we’ll get out of these winter clothes and you and I are going to go someplace more comfortable and talk about what made you go outside and stare off into space.” She reached for my hand, and I took hers.

Following her to the living room, we sat on the sofa and I didn’t know how to tell her what Nash had just said. Or did I even tell her? Was it something that should stay between him and me? There’d already been too many secrets. I couldn’t keep hiding things. “Nash was frustrated with me for not resting, and I got mad at him and told him he had no say in the matter. He wasn’t my husband.” I closed my eyes and waited. When I opened them again, my mother’s arched eyebrow and pointed look was something I’d remembered from my youth. She was either going to side with him about me resting or she was getting ready to hauloff and smack him. “Then he said no, but I should have been.” My words were barely above a whisper, and I looked down to my sleeping baby so I could hide the tears that wanted to fall.

“Oh, my girl.” She shifted on the couch and put her arm around me. I let my head rest on her shoulder and for the first time in almost six years, I’d felt normal.

“He had a ring, you know.”

“What?”

“He told me he had a ring and was planning to ask me to marry him, but I ran off.” My words were a whisper. I wasn’t sure I’d even said them out loud.

“I think I’m going to need you to back up a bit.” That confirmed I had in fact said them and I wasn’t surprised she needed me to clarify.

“Well, you know what happened after Daddy died, and it didn’t stop after the first time. We were seeing one another very regularly, let’s say. Most of the time it was secret places, like the barn or the west pasture.”

“Oh my god, you were always in the barn together. I just thought he was being a supportive big brother type.” Mom gasped and put her hands over her face. “That barn has some kind of pull.”

“What are you talking about?”

“When you four were making your father and me crazy, we’d go to the barn and tell you we were cleaning stalls. We never cleaned stalls.” She shook her head and made no attempt at hiding her grin.

“Mom, really? Why? Just why?”

“Hey look here, missy, if I have to sit through listening about you and Nash Powers, you get a story or two yourself.” Our laughter startled Lottie awake, and Mom reached for her when I’d unwrapped her. She rocked slowly from side to side and patted her back until she drifted off to sleep.

“You can’t change the past, sweetheart, but you can make a new future. Tell me about Kentucky.” She gently set Lottie back in the cradle and looked at me.

“Things were good until they weren’t. He was the total opposite of everyone here. I fooled myself into believing that to shed my past, I needed someone who didn’t remind me of it. He’s an accountant for his family's horse farm, drove a sports car and doesn’t step into a barn if he doesn’t have to.”

“When did he start hitting you?” Her voice was bitter, angry and caring, all wrapped up in a tight knot that settled into her throat as she asked.

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