“I’m not making you uproot your life, Nash.” But that’s exactly what I was doing. I didn’t think it would happen so fast, but here we are.
“It’s uprooted anyway Fallon, changing rooms is the least of my problems right now. I don’t want you having to carry Lottie up and down the stairs every time you need to get her, and it would be a hazard to have Josie navigate the stairs.” His expression was flat, there wasn’t any anger which I’d expected. He set my bags in the room and walked down the hallway and set Josie’s bag down. “We can get a rail for the side of the bed so she doesn’t fall out. I’ll push the bed against the wall and figure out what she can use until it comes.”
“Nash, what do you expect to happen when you want to bring a woman home? Am I supposed to takethe girls to Kipps for the night?” I crossed my arms, suddenly feeling a pang of jealousy thinking about his sex life. “Pretend we’re not here? What?”
“I don’t bring women here, Fallon. I never have.” The big rancher pushed his way past me as I watched him disappear into what was now my room. He wasn’t gone very long, but came back out with an armful of plaid shirts. There was no glance at me, no words spoken. The only sound was him climbing the stairs. Then the sound was back, only he was coming down. Nash made the trip over and over until the room was empty. On his last trip, he grabbed the pillow off the bed and tossed one over the railing from the second floor. He closed his door with a thud and there I was alone.
Walking into the room, all the things that had made the room warm were gone. Sighing, I sat gingerly on the bed. Sitting wasn’t the thing I enjoyed the most right now. I tried to think back to how I felt after Josie was born to remember how long it took for me to feel normal again, but I didn’t remember much from those days.
I spent months on edge wondering when Andrew would realize Josie wasn’t his. To be honest, I’m not sure he ever had. But his abuse got worse after her birth, so maybe he’d figure it out and let me believe he didn’t know. Or maybe he just figured he had me trapped after her birth. I certainly felt like I was.
A quick knock on the front door drew my attention.Nash stomped down the stairs and I walked out to where I could see the front door. “Come in.”
“I brought the cradle. Lottie’s going to need something to sleep in.” Nora walked into the house and slipped off her shoes, and moved toward me. She gave me a tight smile that made me wonder whose side she was on.
“Thank you. I’ll put it in my room.” I turned, and she followed me down the hallway.
“He gave you his room?” Nora sighed as she looked around.
“Apparently he doesn’t trust women on stairs.” I rolled my eyes and set Lottie in the cradle before putting my hands on my hips.
She shook her head and let a quick laugh out. “He’s worried about you three and taking one thing out that could be dangerous to you. Sounds pretty caring if you asked me.”
She hugged me, and I watched her walk out the front door. Going back to my room, I ran my hands along the cradle rails. My grandfather had made this when my grandma had been pregnant with Dad. We’d all slept in it and now it would hold my daughter. I’m sure Grandpa had planned for it to hold generations of sleeping Miller babies.
A tear fell from my eye and landed with a splat on the mattress. Wiping it away, I sniffed and felt a pressure on my back, like someone had placed their hand on me. “Thanks Daddy,” I whispered.
The rest of the day was tense. Nash had made and cleaned up supper. How could things be this bad between us, but he still made me feel safe and cared for? After I’d had Josie, I was still expected to do everything that I normally did. “Would you take Lottie? I need to get Josie ready for bed.” He turned from where he was putting away the dishes and smiled.
“Of course. When Josie’s more comfortable here, I can take over getting her to bed.” He took Lottie from me and held her like he’d held babies daily.
“Ok, Sweets if you need me I’m just across the hall.” I knelt on the floor, leaning on the edge of Josie’s bed. Her eyes were already heavy, but she looked over at me.
“We stay here, Mommy?”
“Yes, baby, we will.” I brushed her hair off her forehead and smiled.
“Good.” Her smile spread across her lips, and she gave into sleep. I couldn’t help but agree with her. While I would have been fine at Kipp’s, I was glad to be here with Nash, and glad Josie would get to know her dad. One day we’d have to have that conversation.
Walking out to the living room, my heart came to a screeching halt as I saw Nash sitting in a chair staring at Lottie, while he murmured to her. “You know I never thought I’d be holding a baby, much less having one live in my house, but I promise you right now that you’ll be safe and I will do everything in my power to protect you for all of my days.” His words might have been whispered, but they held so much power. While some moments I questioned if coming home was the right thing to do, it was this moment with a baby in his arms that wasn’t vowing to protect her, that made me think I made the right choice.
“Your Mommy’s eavesdropping, little one. Obviously, nobody told her how to do it. She’s far too obvious.” His low voice was like an electric shock to my heart and it started again.
“I didn’t want to interrupt,” I breathed as I moved to take her from him.
“We’re fine here. Go sit.” He waved me away.
“You holding a new baby is a sight I never imagined in my life.” As the words tumbled out of my mouth, I knew I should have kept that as an internal thought.
Nash scoffed and shook his head. “Having the opportunity helps.”
“I’m sorry. Nash I– “
“No, I don’t want to talk about it, not tonight, not yet.” He looked up at me with more sadness in his eyes than I’d ever imagined he was capable of. Nash didn’thave an easy life, and when people broke his trust, it was almost impossible to get it back.
“Can I ask about the house? When did you move it here?” I grabbed the quilt on the back of the couch and spread it out over my lap.
“Last year, Dad was on the verge of losing it, so I bought it and moved it here. The guys have helped me fix it up. Nothing huge, just a bit of paint.” He shrugged, and that was all. It was a lot more than a bit of paint, but he had always been humble and no matter what amazing thing he’d done, he brushed it off like it was no big deal.