Page 83 of Willow Vale

I stared at him in shock as he defended me and River to her. He didn’t yell or curse. He just said exactly what I’d been wanting to say for so long, and, somehow, he knew it. He walked around her and toward me. He was a raging storm, but his gaze was full of love for me.

My mother slowly turned to face me with tears in her eyes. They were pleading with me as they always did when she messed up. All I could do was stare at her, letting her see the devastation, the disappointment, on my face.

“I can’t stop it, you know? It’s just too hard to give it all up. I don’t think I can do it, at least not now.” She rubbed at her face and shook her head as if trying to get sobered up for this conversation. Her next words were sincere, and they broke my heart. “I am sorry, Delilah.”

“I know.” I walked over to her. She looked at me like a scared kid, just as she often had on those days when I used to be able to talk to her about her addiction and how worried I was about losing her. I slowly wrapped my arms around her, shutting my eyes tightly when I felt how skinny she was beneath her coat. “I forgive you. I love you so much, mom.”

She hesitated, only managing to pat my back once before I pulled away and finally said, “But if you’re not going to try to let me help you, then I need you to let me let you go.Because if I’m going to be happy with the life I’m building here, I need to let you go.”

Irene’s face dropped, but she nodded. And I knew she wouldn’t ask for help. Not today. But maybe...someday she would. Turns out I couldn’t stop being hopeful, even now.

I turned back toward Travis where he was running a hand over his face before he ducked into the apartment with my tote bag in his hand. Not a single piece of my belongings left on the ground.

Before I could reach the door, I heard her say, “I do love you, Delilah. In my own way.”

I took one last look at my mother, knowing this would probably be the last time we’d see each other for a long time, and said, “Take care of yourself, mom.”

CHAPTER 35

Lila

Travis was pickingup one of the cushions Irene or Mark yanked off the couch in their search for money. The place was a mess, but not as bad as it usually was when my mother raided my bedroom back then.

I couldn’t bring myself to care, though.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the money you gave her?” I asked Travis.

He sighed, dropping my tote bag onto the coffee table before turning to face me. “Because you would have argued about it. You would have refused to accept the money regardless of whether we gave it to your mother.”

We?

“Who else gave her money?” I was almost too scared to hear the answer.

Travis’s jaw ticked. “It was my dad’s idea to give her the money in the first place after she showed up at The Pint looking for you again. He was going to do it himself, and if I hadn’t argued with him, I’m sure he would have. It was a lot of money, and I wasn’t going to let him clear her debt on his own.”

“How much was it?” Panic laced through my voice.

He turned to pick up one of River’s stuffed teddy bears to put it back in the bin where all his toys were kept. “It doesn’t matter. It’s done.”

“It matters it tome!How could you pay her? I didn’t ask you to do that.” I couldn’t control my outburst, but he was acting like none of this was a big deal and it upset me.

“You didn’t have to, Delilah.” His tone changed from calm to aggravated. Good, I wanted him to be angry because what he did wasn’t fair to him or his family.

I shook my head and he watched me pace the length of the living room. “That money could have been used for something important, and you gave it to someone who was going to spend it all away on things that didn’t matter. Not only that, but you didn’t think to tell me? How can you not see that it was a waste?”

Travis snapped. “You are not a waste, don’t you get that? Not to me. Don’t you understand what you mean to me? How every part of you owns me?” he laughed but there was no humor in it, “Yes, I gave Irene the money she needed to get out of trouble with that prick out there, and I’d do it again if it meant she’d leave you alone. As for my dad, he did it because he wanted the same thing for you. Peace of mind and a normal life with River here in Willow Vale—the same thing you’ve been working tirelessly to do all alone for a long time.”

I couldn’t handle the way he was being so honest with me. I was confused and hurting and too overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how I could accept such an incredibly kind gesture despite being mad that he didn’t tell me about this sooner. Not without feeling this guilt that yet again, I was depending on him and his family to take care of me. The feeling of helplessness that always creepedits head around the corner of my mind appeared again. Pressing in on me until I couldn’t breathe. So, I did the only thing I knew how.

I tried to run.

Travis called out when I turned to walk away, “Where are you going?”

I inhaled a shaky breath. “I don’t know! I don’t know anything. I thought I did a few hours ago, and I was happy. I was so excited because I applied for the nursing program I told you about, and I washappy!But now...I don’t even know what I was thinking by applying. I’m going to have to pay your parents back, payyouback, and how am I going to do that unless I work? How am I going to take care of River and make enough money?—”

“Delilah,” he stepped towards me, hearing the hitch in my voice as panic started to take over. I’ve had panic attacks before and usually I could feel them coming before I lost control, but not this time. There was no preparing for it when it crashed straight into me like a bus. I tried to push his hands away from me as my lungs felt like they were on fire, squeezing all the air out of them with every breath I tried to take, tears rolling down my cheeks endlessly. “Darlin’, hey look at me.”

I could tell he was trying to bring me down. His hands gripping my trembling ones, squeezing them often to ground me. Guide me away from the panic.

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