Page 81 of Willow Vale

“Lila?” River asked from the swing he was currently sitting in.

“River?” I smiled at him from my swing. There weren’t any people in the park today and given the cloudy sky, I’d say we couldn’t stay out much longer before it started raining.

“Why don’t I get to see our mom? Is she gone like grandpa?” he asked out of nowhere, taking me by surprise.

I held back a sigh, knowing this conversation was going to come eventually. I used to tell him that our mother was sick and that seemed to always answer his questions about her. But he always ended up asking about her again after a while. It was to be expected.

Sliding off the swing, I knelt in front of him. His little legs swung mid-air as he stared down at the mulch below hissneakers. I rubbed his arms and tried to say the right thing, but not quite sure what the right thing would be.

“No, she’s not gone like that, River. Remember when grandpa was sick, and we had to go to the doctor with him a lot?”

He nodded.

“Well, that’s sort of why mom isn’t here either.”

“Because she’s sick. Can we go see her?” My heart broke for this kid more than he would ever know.

I tried my best not to let him hear my voice shake. “Not until she gets better on her own, my love. Sometimes, people don’t want to get better. I know that sounds crazy, but you can’t make someone want to feel better if they don’t want to. You have to wait for them to take that step themselves. Do you understand?”

He nodded, even though he was frowning at me. It would be a long time before I’d tell him the truth about Irene and her addiction. For now, I’d try to protect him from the sad reality for as long as I could.

“Does she not want to get better because she doesn’t like me? Was I bad when I was a baby?”

If my heart wasn’t already breaking, it was absolutely shattered at his question. His bottom lip quivered, and I had to swallow the tears threatening to choke me.

“No, you weren’t bad. You’ve never been bad, River. Come here.” I pulled him down onto my lap. He wrapped his arms around me while I rocked him from side to side. I kissed his cheek. “I know it’s sad and confusing why she isn’t here. But if you ever want to know more about her, you can always ask me. You are the best thing that could have happened to me, you know that, right? I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” He sniffled against my shirt. He looked up at me with big blue eyes and said the last thing I everexpected him to say to me. “It’s okay if I don’t have a mom, Lila. Because I have you forever and ever. You can be my mom if you want.”

His words completely wrecked me. I hugged him tight so that he wouldn’t see the tears that suddenly filled my eyes, blurring my vision.

For the first time in a long time, I wished we had a mother. A real one who could hold River when he was sad, and one who encouraged me when I questioned myself. To tell me that what I was doing now was enough. Instead, I held River for a long time until the first droplets of rain started to fall from the sky.

I tookRiver over to Desi’s place so he could play with her after the park.

Desi and River were obsessed with watchingTangled, singing along to the songs while they colored together. In between songs, Desi and I chatted for a bit about how my relationship with Travis had been developing before she told me about her city boy who apparently had been spending a few nights at her place.

She promised I’d meet him soon since he was going to stop by her work to see her sing with the band.

When I told River that it was time to go, they both begged me to let him stay so they could bake chocolate chip cookies together. I didn’t feel right making either of them sad by saying no—because Desiwouldguilt trip me for it—so instead I asked if she didn’t mind watching him for a bit so that I could get some cleaning done at my apartment.

Between spending all week at the ranch and sleeping at Travis’s house, I felt I was neglecting my apartment. I shouldprobably spend more time there, stop going over to the ranch so much. A part of me hated the idea, though. I loved spending time with Travis more than I could say. Seeing him every morning when I woke up, having him hunt me down at the main house when I came to pick River up, and corner me in the stockroom to steal a kiss or two.

I loved every second of it.

I pulled up to the apartment and parked the Bronco in its usual spot right as the rain started to come down hard. I was soaked to the bone by the time I made it to the stairs. I was about to text Travis as I walked up the steps. It was because of that, that I didn’t notice the door to my apartment was ajar.

Not until a man wearing a hoodie rushed out of my apartment, slamming straight into me. I gasped, stumbling back and dropping my phone with a loud crash. Then I found myself staring up at a man with a weathered face, gruff beard, and bloodshot eyes.

Mark.

“What are you?—”

Ignoring me, he made to walk past me right as I heard Irene’s voice before she stepped onto the landing. “Honey, wait! Let me talk to her again, I’m sure she’ll?—”

My mother’s eyes widened when she saw me. She was still wearing the same peacoat as the last time I’d seen her.

“W-what are you doing?” I asked.

---