Page 75 of Unhinged Love

But once I open the front door, it’s obvious we’re making the right choice. The heat hits me in the face and tries to suck the air out of my lungs.

“Damn,” she murmurs. “All right, maybe it’s better for me to find some new clothes.”

Oh, you think?Maybe I’m finally growing up or learning self-control, since I keep that thought inside. With the air conditioner running at full blast, we pull out from the driveway, and I steer us toward the mall.

“All I’m saying is, don’t expect miracles.” She is so determined for this not to work. Glancing over, I find her staring out the window. “I don’t look good in a lot of things. My body is all wrong.”

Fuck you, Irene.

“Who made you think that? Because I’ve seen your body plenty of times, and it looks good to me.” Good enough that I would like to see her in clothes that show her off a little more.

“Who do you think?” She blurts out a sad, empty laugh. “Then she buys me short dresses that barely cover my ass. Like, make up your mind, woman.”

“She’s not here now. She’s on the other side of the world, and I like your body. A lot.” Just thinking about it makes me reach over to close a hand around her knee and give it a squeeze.

I was right about coming out at this time of day. The parking lot is practically empty. Some of it might have to do with fewer people shopping in actual stores anymore, but I’m not in the mood to think about economic collapse or whatever it is. Not when there’s work to do. “I know from personal experiencethere’s a lot of room on this card—and Dad would be happy to buy you whatever you want. So go as crazy as you want to go.”

“I don’t want to go crazy at all.” She can say that all she wants, but the way she looks at the dresses on some of the mannequins in a store window tells a different story. She has told herself for so long that she can’t be a certain way or want certain things that she’s actually started to believe it. I see what’s underneath all of that. The person who wants to come out but is still too scared.

“That would look good on you.” I have to keep it casual—I don’t want her to know I was paying attention. It’s like I’m hunting, and I can’t scare her away. I have to take my time, choose my words carefully. I almost can’t believe I’m going to all this trouble.

“You think so?” If she chews her lip much harder, she’ll bite through it.

“Why don’t you go try it on?” I even give her a slight shove toward the open doors to the store. “If you don’t like it, fine, but you can try.”

“What if it’s a waste of time?”

“So what?”

“What if I don’t like it?”

“I’m sure I’ll live through the disappointment.”

“But it’ll be a waste of your time.”

I’m going to scream. Good thing there aren’t many people around to hear me. “For fuck’s sake, Elliana. It’s my time. I decide if it’s wasted. Try the damn dress on, or I’m going to buy it for you in the first size I see, and you’ll have to wear it whether you want to or not.”

“Fine, fine,” she grumbles, finally going into the store just when I’m sure I’m going to strangle her. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Isn’t she supposed to be dragging me from store to store?

Not like I’m her boyfriend or anything. I need to be careful, or else I could forget that part.

“I can wait right here,” I offer, dropping into a chair near the dressing room. “If you want my help picking things out, just let me know.” But something tells me she’ll be better off on her own, without me making suggestions. I don’t want to freak her out or put any pressure on her when she’s already feeling pressured enough. I will offer an opinion if and when I’m asked for one, but that’s it.

At first, she hesitates, and I almost want to ask if she’s afraid of there being a test after this. It’s supposed to be fun, and I can’t think of a single girl I know who wouldn’t jump at the chance to wear out a piece of plastic they don’t have to worry about paying off.

But pretty soon she loosens up, and before I know it, I’ve got dresses and skirts and shorts piling across my lap.

“Hang on. Let me find a shirt to go with that,” she says, starting back to a wall full of shelves where T-shirts are stacked in probably every color possible. One of the sales clerks opens the dressing room so she can hang everything up in there for when Elliana is ready to start trying things on.

“You’re really sure this is okay? I’m not saying I’m going to buy all of it,” she says, chewing her lip again while the sales girl takes armfuls of clothing to the dressing room.

“Dad will be so glad when he sees you feeling comfortable with yourself. He’ll probably ask why we didn’t do this sooner.” She seems relieved to hear that before ducking into the room waiting for her.

“I better get a fashion show out here,” I call out, and the girls behind the register giggle. It wasn’t that long ago I would’ve gone over to talk with them, maybe flirt, see how far I could get. Now I kind of wish they would go away, so it could be just the two of us here in the store.

“What do you think about this?” The door to Elliana’s room opens, but instead of coming right out, she peeks from around it. “Please, be kind.”

I would tell her I’m always kind, but that’s not true, so I just wave her out. “Let’s see.”

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