Page 150 of Caging Darling

I shoot him a look full of vitriol. “Why would you do that?”

He shrugs unapologetically. “I don’t like to see you in invisible chains either, Darling.”

I find myself searching Astor’s body. When I don’t find what I’m looking for, I grasp at his shirt, unbuttoning it and dragging down the collar. I’m fairly sure I’m scratching him, but I don’t care.

There.

Right underneath his collarbone.

It’s hidden underneath the tattoos, but now that I know to look for it, I see it clearly.

A chain of ink, missing a single link.

Tears stream down my face. “What did you do?”

Astor sighs, gripping my hands.

“Oh, come now. Surely you’re clever enough to figure it out,” taunts the Sister.

I spit at her. It goes right through her, but she flinches all the same.

“Just a few more moments, Darling,” says Astor, looking at me like it will be the last time. “You’ll be free.”

“No. No, I don’t want to be free if…if…” The words get caught in my throat. As if saying them aloud will summon them into a true existence. “Just tell me,” I finally say. “Just tell me what you’re not saying. Say it aloud. I can’t bear imagining it any longer.”

Astor sighs. Places his forehead against mine. His skin is slightly weathered, and I can feel the wrinkles at his brow as he narrows his eyebrows and winces. “Peter is enslaved to the Sister. Other than revealing my location, he is at her command.”

I shake my head. “He’s resisted before. When she wanted him to kill the Lost Boys.”

Astor sighs. “No, he delayed until she changed her mind.”

“I don’t often enforce obedience. I find it distasteful,” says the Sister, as if she’s recounting a virtue.

“No, it’s not worth it…”

“Listen to me, Darling. She’s going to make him set you free.” Astor holds my face in his hands, and though I try to fight him, don’t want to look at him, he steers me into his gaze, and I find I’m unable to resist. “Do you understand? You’re going to be free. Free to take Michael and start a new life for yourself. You can go wherever you wish. Live the life you’ve always wanted. You can…you will find a man who loves you. A man who wantsyou. Who will settle down with you and give you children. I won’t have them, not with the chance of having a son.”

“I don’t want them. I don’t…” I gasp, unable to finish my sentence because of my bargain with Peter.I don’t want them if they’re not with you.

He shakes his head. “Yes, you do, Darling. I saw the look in your eyes when you asked if, in our alternate life, we were supposed to have children.”

I hate myself for wearing my feelings so carelessly. “I didn’t mean it.”

“Yes, you did, Darling. I can’t offer you your dreams.”

“Please, just cut my arm off,” I say, flinging myself at his belt for his sword, but he catches me against my chest. “Just cut it off. Then the bargain can’t have me. Then I’ll be free.”

“I’m not going to let you cut your arm off, Darling,” he says, stroking my hair.

“I don’t want it!” I scream. “I don’t care about my arm. You’ve lived without a limb…”

“It’s not about the arm, Darling,” he says, whispering into my ear. It shouldn’t calm me, but I’m weak and I let it. Let myself sink into his chest as he holds me. “I can’t give you the future you want. Darling, we’d be on the run, in hiding forever.”

“I can hide.”

“And Michael? Would you take him on the run with us?”

My words falter in my mouth. Michael’s happy here. I know he is. But it would kill me to leave him here, still. Not to be with him on his journey. I don’t want him growing up and having things to say, but always wondering why I’m not around to listen.

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