Page 84 of Caging Darling

Captain Astor’s eyes trace the skin on my jaw, traveling up and across my cheek, leaving behind a flame in their wake as heraises his gaze to meet mine. He swallows, but his throat only bobs halfway. “Darling,” he says.

My name is a balm on his lips, but the bargain I’ve made with Peter won’t let me react to it in a way that would be choosing Astor over Peter.

In some ways, this bargain saves me from myself. Saves me from what I want to do, which is throw myself into the arms of the man who betrayed me and forgive him for every barb he’s lodged into my skin. The bargain keeps me sutured to Peter’s side, keeps me from calling Astor’s name like it’s the only thing that makes breathing worthwhile.

In that moment’s hesitation, something in me shifts. Anger mingles with longing. Only, just a tad slower, more delayed. It seeps through me, fusing with my desire until it’s a passion I’ve yet to recognize.

A scenario I’ve practiced, played out in my head a million times, presents itself to me.

“I’m sorry,” I say, sounding just as dazed as I feel, but it works. “Have we met?”

Astor’s face falls, horror overcoming his expression. I wait for him to glance down at my elbow, where, underneath my glove, Peter’s branded me with the bargain.

Instead, he whirls on Peter. “What did you have that wretched Sister do to her?”

It’s odd to me, that he thinks this is the Sister’s doing and not the work of the bargain. But it’s not as if he’s had time to think about it.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean,” says Peter, his possessive stance screaming a man who considers himself victorious.

Astor’s pointed ears draw back, just slightly, the skin at the corners of his eyes stretching. And for a moment, all I glimpse in those ivy green eyes is hopelessness.

I shouldn’t. Should let him believe it a little while longer, but I can’t help myself. Glimpsing Nolan Astor staring at me like I’m something he lost, not the other way around, fills me with such ecstatic energy, I lose control. Just for a moment.

The corner of my lip twitches, not into a smile, but a smirk.

The emotions play across his face in quick succession. Realization. Relief. Both replaced by anger at being made a fool of. Then something else entirely. The skin around his eyes relaxes and his lip jerks upward ever so slightly.

“Come now, Astor,” I say, my voice a silky taunt. “I thought you were quicker witted than that.”

Astor and I stare at one another. We might as well be the only two people in the room.

“No,” says Peter, placing himself between me and Astor and the stare neither of us can seem to break. Peter doesn’t turn to address the Nomad lest he have to take his eyes off Astor. “We won’t be needing your hired hand.”

“I’m afraid you’re not really in the position to make demands…sorry, what exactly is your name?” says the Nomad. “I just know you as Wendy’s other Mate.”

Peter seethes, but I hardly notice. I’m still staring at Astor. He’s still staring at us.

I’d like to think it’s a challenge, which one of us will drop our gaze first. But I’m not playing a game as much as driving headfirst into a whirlpool and drowning in it on purpose.

I’ve spent so many nights staring into Astor’s shadow, wishing to catch sight of that color green, I can’t bring myself to look away. I can’t speak to why he’s still staring.

“Then send someone else,” says Peter.

“No,” says the Nomad.

I can hear Peter gritting his teeth next to me. “Do you not have as many qualified men as legends about you would boast?”

“Captain Astor is uniquely qualified for this position. Not only that, he’s also uniquely motivated.”

My heart flutters at the idea Astor is motivated to keep me from dying, but the Nomad decapitates my budding hope by saying, “He entered a similar bargain as Wendy here, except he was forward enough to demand five years instead of two.”

My heart deflates. Just like that, the tension between me and Astor snaps.

He looks away first. I continue to stare, wondering how this man I thought was my friend could have left me to die in Neverland, waiting out my term before even beginning his.

Did he really wish so badly not to have to face me?

Do you hate me that much?

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