Page 125 of Caging Darling

“And you used to call me witless,” I say, throwing myself into him this time, taking what I’ve wanted for so, so very long.

We stay like that, tangled in each other’s arms. Astor lifts me up, and I wrap my arms around him, his fingers in my hair as he supports my weight against the wall.

This is what it is to fly. To soar, while still being tethered. Flying, yet secured in Astor’s embrace.

When I kiss Astor back, it’s as if every bit of myself I’ve always wound tight has been unleashed. In his arms, I am neither shy nor timid. I am not easily swayed. Here, in Astor’s arms, for the first time in my life, I find myself able to communicate exactly what I want.

After what feels like an eternity come to a close too quickly, Astor pulls back from the kiss and sets me down gently against the wall, though he has to prop himself against it. He’s breathing hard, and underneath his collar, the decay of his severed Mating Mark seems more intense than usual.

“Do you need to sit down?” I ask.

He lets out an almost pained sigh. “Please don’t make me feel as though I’m aged. It’s taken me enough time to work through the age difference as it is. But no, it’s not that. I just know I’m going to have a difficult time stopping if we do this much longer.”

My heart sinks. “You don’t want me.”

Astor’s voice goes hard. “Don’t ever let those words come out of your mouth again.”

I frown. “Then why not take me?”

His dark brow furrows. “You said a man wouldn’t touch you like that until there was a ring on his finger.”

I blink. Stunned. “But you know—” I can’t bring myself to talk about Peter. About what I’ve let him do to me over the past year. All the times he’s had me.

There’s a glimmer of pain that streaks across Astor’s face, and it makes me ache to know I’ve hurt him, too.

“It’s just that it’s a little too late for that. I’m not sure that matters anymore.”

Astor takes my chin in his hand. “You made a commitment to yourself, Darling. Just because someone else didn’t mind prying his way around it doesn’t mean I’ll have anything to do with assisting you in breaking it.”

“It wasn’t really made with you in mind,” I say with a nervous chuckle.

Astor looks at me with such adoration, I think I might explode. He brushes the hair from my cheek. “On the contrary, Darling. Commitments are made exactly for the moments we’re most tempted to break them.”

At the same time, irritation and overwhelming adoration swell in my heart for this man. “This is an inconvenient time for you to decide to be a gentleman,” I say.

“Darling, say you want me again, and I’ll make sure we have all the time in the world for me to be less than gentlemanly towards you.”

There’s something about his sincerity that gives me the courage to voice the truth.

“I did it to hurt you,” I whisper. “That’s why I slept with Peter. We were in Chora, and there was a woman there in a pub. Tall and beautiful. She had red hair…”

I watch for Astor’s eyes to flash with recognition, but his face is unreadable.

“She said you’d been through town. That you’d just left, but that before you’d gone, you and she had…” The words get caught in my throat, embarrassment sweeping over me.

Astor’s brows crease with confusion, then something like a memory lands on his face, and his eyes widen. “Oh.”

My heart sinks. The moment that had crushed me, he hadn’t even bothered to store in his memory.

Astor shakes his head. “I’m not sure what she told you, but she was drunker than any sailor I’ve ever met. She fawned all over me, wouldn’t leave me alone. Maddox, Charlie, and I were about to leave when the woman passed out on a table. There were a handful of men plotting…well, I won’t repeat their plans for her. So I paid the innkeeper for a room, carried her up the stairs, dumped her on the bed, and locked her in the room so the imbeciles downstairs wouldn’t touch her. Then we left.”

I blink, and I can’t decide if the flood of emotion in my gut is relief or regret.

“So I hurt you,”hurtmyself, I don’t say aloud, “for no reason. All because, yet again, I believed a lie from the mouth of someone who cared nothing for me.”

“Darling,” says Astor. “Look at me.”

When I do, through blurry eyes, he says, “I drove you into his arms. Left you vulnerable. Don’t you ever worry about hurting me.”

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