Page 52 of The Right Woman

Adon looks around the walls, then finds a light switch and flips it on, then holds my hand and leads me to the back.

I gasp, inhaling more of the cloud of old air. “It’s a bakery.”

Stainless-steel industrial looking ovens and a large refrigerator line the back wall. On the side is an oversized sink for dishwashing. Pastry racks on rollers are strewn about the small area. In the center is a large table for rolling dough. Pink tiles cover the floors. It’s quaint and cute. The kind of place where I’d love to bake some cookies—well, after a good cleaning.

“You wanted to show me a bakery?” I ask as Adon kneads his thumb into my palm.

“I wanted tobuyyou a bakery.”

I clutch my chest. “What? Adon, I can’t accept this from you!”

Large hands grip my shoulders as he turns me to look him in the eyes. “Do you want to be with me forever?”

The sadness from outside strikes me once again. It’s now or never. And I can’t lose him over this, over keeping this locked inside. “I have to tell you something,” I tell him shakily.

“Anything.”

“Maeve had a boyfriend in high school named Noah. She was so in love with him. One day after school, he was waiting for her to come home from student council and I let him in. He wanted to hang out and get to know ‘Maeve’s little sister’ better, he said. Being older and one of the cool guys in school, I saw him as really cute, and I liked him, but I was only thirteen at the time and didn’t really know any better.

“After trying to impress him with my punk rock knowledge, he said he didn’t believe that I had as many records as I did. And I fell for it, even invited him up to my room. We were sitting on my bed, and he said that he felt terrible because he had a bigger crush on me than my sister. I hate that it made me feel like I’d just won something over her. That I’d one upped her in some way.”

It’s hard for me to continue, so I take a pause and swallow. Adon remains still for a moment, waiting. Then he grabs my waist and hoists me onto the stainless-steel table until my legs wrap around to his back. We’re face to face, like I can’t escape the words that are about to come from my mouth. But if he wants tobewith me forever, he needs to know this. To understand me completely.

Or maybe I just need to tell someone.

“Anyway, he started kissing me, and I thought it was amazing. In fact, all the things he did seemed great… Until they weren’t. I didn’t want to have sex with him.” My fingernails rakeagainst my chest where he ripped off my shirt. It’s harder to breathe as I get to this part. “I just sort offought, you know. But he was so much bigger. And…”

Wiping away the tingles in my forehead, I say the words as if they happened to someone else. Not me. “And he raped me. He held me down while I screamed. To silence me, he slapped my face. None of it was the way I wanted it. It hurt.”

Saying what happened aloud makes me feel like I’m on a roller coaster. And now that I’ve started, it’s impossible to stop. I keep talking in a stream of consciousness while Adon maintains his fierce gaze on my face. “After, he sat up and made me feelgoodabout what happened, or just more confused. Somehow, he convinced me that Iwantedit. That we were covertly together or something.”

My hands swipe at my cheeks to gather some tears there. “But I didn’t want it to happen again…or maybe I did. I’m not sure. There was blood everywhere.” I look at the counter beneath me, but all I see are my blue and red sheets coated with russet stains. “For a week, I didn’t say anything. He didn’t come back for a few days, and when he did, he’d wink at me over Maeve’s head, like we had some secret. That’s…that’s how it started. He’d tell me not to say anything or Maeve would break up with him, and I didn’t want to cause a fight. But I never enjoyed myself.”

I try to steady my voice. “Finally, a few weeks later, I was sick of it. The guilt was tearing me up inside, and I didn’tlikethe smell of him on my body anymore. No matter how many showers I’d take, I couldn’t wash it away. And those fuckingstainson my sheets… So, I told Maeve and my mother. Told them what he had done to me.”

I lift my eyes up to my boyfriend, who holds his breath in his broad chest. “And?” he grits out, like he wants to say more.

“And they didn’t believe me. Noah already told Maeve that I was flirting with him too much. And that I had a littlecrushon him. He was even telling them I made himuncomfortable.”

Adon’s hands ball into fists on either side of my hips. “What about your father?”

I shrug. “He said to stop being so dramatic. My mom had already told him that I was delusional. That I made up stories and tried to ruin the family. It got to the point that I was questioning myself, wondering if it truly happened. To feel somethingreal, I would take a box cutter and slice pieces of my skin just to watch it bleed, then place the drops against my sheets. It was the same. Like some genuine piece of evidence that I hadn’t imagined it. So was the pain.”

Shaking my head, I relax into my body. It’s heavy, tired. “I didn’t even trust my own memories at that point. Maybe I was lying and didn’t realize it. If my thoughts weren’t real, ifIwasn’t real, if my own family knew I lived in a dream state, then what was the point of living? It’s not like I’d be giving up anything… So I tried to cut deeper and deeper. Until I cut deep enough that I woke up in a hospital.”

Adon’s hand moves to my back as he caresses me slowly, gently, almost hovering with his warmth to encourage me to finish my story. “And then a psychiatric ward. I went to therapy for years after. But I convinced myself that even she didn’t believe me. Maybe because I didn’t believe myself. No one did.”

His forehead rests against mine as he speaks against my mouth, allowing me to breathe in his validation. “I believe you. And it wasn’t your fault.”

“It was… I should have never?—”

“Piper. Stop.” He grabs the back of my neck. “It wasn’t your fucking fault.”

I don’t think I’ve seen him this angry, and the fact that he believes me, the intensity of his stare, makes me melt against hischest. His arms encircle me tightly as he clings to me as much as I do to him.

“Rosy, if you think that changes shit about how I feel, you’re sorely mistaken. I’m so glad you felt okay to tell me. But this doesn’t break you. It’s just more evidence of how broken everyone around you is. You were a child, and people should have been there to take care of you. They let you down.”

He gives me a little space, leaning on his hands resting on either side of me, and says, “Piper, yousurvived. Look at you. You’re here. You made it.”

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