Page 10 of The Wonder of You

“I notice a lot of stalls have people running them, but this one is quiet.”

Shall I ask them to hire me so I can sell painted rocks? Would that be insane?

“No one has run this one for quite a while.” Phoenix finally breaks away his gaze and turns his attention to the rocks. He softly runs his fingers over them. His caress is so gentle. I want this man to touch me.

Butwhy? Why do I feel this way over a man I have just met? I have never wanted anyone to touch me before. In school, I had a small crush on a boy in my class and when he tried to kiss me, I suddenly panicked and ran away. Later on, he claimed it was a prank and I never knew whether to believe him or not. But this is different.

“I always put them out though, they’re too beautiful not to show the world.” He looks at me again and my heart drops. Am I imagining it or did he look at me when he said the word beautiful?

“They are lovely, I like the one with the R,” I compliment. He picks it up and hands it to me. “My gift to you.”

I take it and admire the black painted R. I rub my finger over the pink flowers that are sprouting out of the bold letter. The detail is wonderful.

“I don’t have any cash on me and I’d feel awful taking this when someone else might be able to buy it,” I say softly. I want him to know I am grateful, but I don’t feel right taking something for free. Especially not something so beautiful, so perfect. It wouldn’t belong with me. I feel like I might cry again.

“You don’t repay someone for a gift,” he says with a smile, and I realize the rock is not the only beautiful thing here. There are butterflies in my stomach, but not the usual ones which feel like they’re dying and making their own little hopeless graveyard inside of me. No, these ones feel magical. These ones feel like what theyshouldfeel like. How they’re described in the books and the movies.

“Well, okay, thank you,” I bite my lip with my teeth, and I feel like I should say something else. When was the last time I held a conversation with someone other than my father or sister?

I always think I must rush with them, as if I am taking their precious time up. I feel like some part of them is always itching to escape me. But this is different. Phoenix, in these short moments, has made me feel like he has all the time in the world to talk to me.

“Are you sure I can’t do something?” I say, and I instantly regret it. Is he going to walk away from me when he realizes that I’m really quite pathetic? That I am a human who doesn’t know how to be human. That the only thing I am symbolizing right now is how lonely I am.

I am distracted by the sound of a giggle. I look to my left to see Lukas and Maudie holding hands running away from us. They look so cute and funny in their outfits. I can’t help but laugh too, but why are they running away from us? Still, they’re not running away like the kids used to in school, leaving me feeling hopeless and small. I think they wanted to leave us alone.

Together.

The butterflies are back and I am afraid. Excited, but oh so afraid. I almost want to throw up just to get some of this confusion and overwhelming feeling out of me. My desire to run takes hold. If I can’t understand the situation, then I should run from it.

But then I look back to Phoenix. His eyes are so soft, so reassuring… so familiar. Every bit of tension leaves me and I feel like I’m on a cloud.

He holds out his hand. “Perhaps a dance… with me?”

No. I cannot.

Yes. I really want to.

No. Don’t be so silly.

But when my hand reaches for his, I know I could never say no.

Chapter 8

Phoenix and I walk towards one of the tents. My heart is pounding in my chest. I am holding a man’s hand! And not just any man,thisman!

A man who is like a picture. A picture I want to stare at until someone tells me to leave.

I try to bat the negative thoughts which pop up every moment or so away; I try to remember that I am twenty-nine. Despite my small height, I am not some silly child. It’s so hard to feel like an adult when you’re so short. Lydia tells me it doesn’t help that I only dress in a t-shirt and jeans, but I don’t understand why that matters? Although, I am painfully aware that a suited man is taking me dancing when I am wearing pink trainers.

Dancing!

What would nan and grandad say? I wish they were here. I can imagine them watching us from one side with pride and happiness. After everything I went through, I bet they never imagined I’d end up here, dancing with a stranger. Then again, is he really a stranger to me?

I am surprised that I don’t feel a pain in my chest at the thought they’re not here to see all this. It’s a bittersweet moment, but for once, this is something that is just for me.

They had their time…is thismytime?

I see the bearded lady from earlier at the entrance of the tent. The music is loud, but her voice is somehowlouder as she welcomes everyone in with a wide smile. She double takes Phoenix as we walk towards her.

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