Page 15 of The Wonder of You

Did all of that really happen?

“She said you met someone,” Dad adds, as if reading my thoughts.

So, itdidhappen. The butterflies flutter in my stomach when I picture Phoenix’s face, but my thoughts are so mixed and conflicted. I feel different. The vision I had last night flickers in my mind as if forgotten memories are desperately trying to swim to the surface and make me remember them again,feelthem again. And I feel like so much could be explained if I would just let it happen. I’m a puzzle only half finished and the other bits are too hard to find.

I am sidetracked by something Dad said. Did Lydia tell him last night that I ran home alone in the dark and he’s only just decided to come check on me? Or did Lydia continue her night as normal and not tell him until the morning? Did everyone happily sleep for the night despite how I passed out and then ran home? What if I had run to a bridge and jumped off it? I’ve thought about it plenty of times. What if I was grabbed? Kidnapped? It happens all the time. Bath has always felt fairly safe, but it did happen only a few years ago in this small city. A young woman was last seen leaving her cousin’s house and then she was never seen again. It was like she disappeared into thin air, the ground opening up andtaking her in. I remember her brother on the news, the expression on his face that spoke a million words. He wanted to know what happened to his sister. Did anyone want to know if I was okay?

“Perhaps go upstairs and have a shower, I’ll make us some coffee,” Dad suggests as he walks towards the kettle. He doesn’t ask any more questions about what happened, who I met, why it left me in such a state. I welcome the silence though; it’s a pleasant interruption to my spinning thoughts that I could disappear and no one would care.

Upstairs, I look at myself in the mirror. I am clearly tired, but I don’t think sleep will cure this feeling. The exhaustion is everywhere. In my bones, in my mind, even in my dreams. I can’t escape. One good thing though, I am now wearing a clean top and jeans which feel good on my skin. My hair is freshly washed and now dry. Whatever the day brings, at least I feel a bit more ready for it. I take a deep breath and head downstairs.

“There’s a black coffee for you.” I hear Dad say, a hint of formality in his voice. Who is he talking to? Are Lydia and Simon here?

“Thank you.” I hear in return. Simon’s voice isn’t that deep.

Oh no, am I really ready for today?

I consider running back upstairs but I can’t. It’s almost like I am being pushed forward by an invisible force. Someone else is in my head who is taking charge and wants to steer me in the right direction. I finally walk into the kitchen and see my dad and Phoenix sat at the table.

Chapter 11

My heart melts as I make eye contact with Phoenix. The expression on his face suggests he is feeling the exact same about me as I am about him. He bites his lips and he clearly doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He’s scared. Perhaps overwhelmed. But why? As we continue to lock eyes, I notice how his expression softens. He looks at me like I am something special. Am I? Could little, plain Renée really mean something to this extraordinary man?

He stands. “I wanted to check if you were okay after last night. Your sister gave me your address, I hope you don’t mind.”

I drop my head as a blush takes over my face.

“I’m okay, thank you. I think I got a bit overwhelmed by everything.”

“I understand, the circus can be intense for some.” His lips twitch, like a cheeky smile wants to break out on his face. It feels so familiar. I stare at him, perhaps a little too long, but he doesn’t take his gaze away from me.

Dad coughs. This is awkward. He’s probably wondering what an earth happened in just a night to make his usually anti-social daughter so love-struck. “So, you’re a ringmaster? What does that really mean then? You run the circus?” He drinks his coffee quicker, his face scrunching as if it’s a bit too hot to drink so fast.

“Yes, I’ve had some help recently as it’s been quite a lot to take on myself, but I think I am finding my place again,” Phoenix says and then looks at me.

Dad nods and puts his coffee down. I could laugh because he looks so uncomfortable right now. Was he like this when Lydia brought home Simon? Or was it different for his favourite daughter? Was he more interested, maybe more protective?

“Well, I’ll be off…” He goes to leave, but takes a look back. “You’re alright for me to go?”

I nod my head with a smile to reassure him it is okay. He doesn’t ask a second time, instead leaves swiftly and shuts the door behind him. There is a flutter in my stomach that I think may be from my younger self, or maybe from the guilt at my thoughts just a second ago. It’s the little things he says likeyou’re alright for me to go?that also sound a lot likeI love you.

I gulp.

Dad being here was far from ideal but now he’s gone, the silence is intense. What am I supposed to say to this painfully attractive man who I think I have fallen in love with? Why does his presence seem so normal though? A man in my kitchen which isn’t my father or grandfather would be enough for me to go into full meltdown. I will always demand my dad to be here when someone else is here. A man fixing the heating. A woman with my grandparents will. Anyone unfamiliar and I need some kind of security. But Phoenix feels like heshouldbe standing there. Like if he attempted to leave, the ground would open up and take me with it.

I look up at him but drop my head as a giggle attempts to break from my mouth. I’m acting like a fifteen-year-old without a care in the world. And I like it. I never thought I’d like something like this.

My heart slams as he moves toward me and takes my hand.

“Renée, you know, don’t you? I don’t see any point in playing this out longer. You know who I am, don’t you?” he pleads.

“I’m not sure, Phoenix, I’m a bit scared to be honest.”

He looks at me softly and steps forward, his hands on my cheeks. I hold my breath. I am coming alive under his touch. It feels like my soul has left me and is slowly wiggling its way back into my body.

“Do you remember this?” he asks and places a gentle kiss on my forehead. I gasp as the gesture takes me back.

Phoenix kisses my forehead as we dance in the circus tent. He spins me and I laugh out loud.

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