Page 16 of The Wonder of You

I don’t care what anyone thinks because this is me. This is us.

Phoenix kisses my forehead when we get back to our cabin after visiting baby Maudie.

“Do you think you’d want one? A baby?” he asks.

“Do you remember this?” he asks and kisses the side of my neck; his lips linger there and goosebumps erupt overmy body. A tingle I have never felt before shoots down my spine and makes my toes curl.

He’s on top of me. He kisses my cheeks, my neck. He kisses every part of me. I let out a soft groan as my back arches and I thread my hands into his hair.

“Don’t stop,” I whisper as he moves down my body. He reaches his hand up and holds mine as he continues to kiss me.

I gasp, instantly standing back and hitting the kitchen worktop. A cup falls off the stand and rolls into the sink. I look at it and then back at Phoenix.

“What’s going on?” I whimper.

“It’s me, Renée. It’s me.” His voice is high pitched and he looks hurt, as if me not understanding what is happening is causing him physical pain. As if any moment now, he will collapse to the floor and beg me to remember him, to remember us.

But my thoughts are blurry. The memories aren’t strong enough when he isn’t touching me and showing me the memories. I put my hands to my face to hide myself, and I start to cry. He moves towards me and gently takes my shoulders in his hands.

“I know this is confusing. I know you must be scared. But I can explain everything. Will you come back to the circus tonight? Meet me by the gates. I want you to remember everything, but I need some help from someone.” He reaches forward and slowly takes my hands from my face. His thumb rubs my tears away. Ilook up at him again and I feel so much comfort among all the confusion and fear.

“I’m scared that I’m going insane, like you’re trying to say I had some sort of past life,” I whisper.

He swallows.

“That is exactly what I am trying to say.”

My breath catches.

“Please come back tonight, please.”

He looks like he might crumble if I say no.

I don’t want to decline, but can I really believe I had a past life? That this is real? Did I die before visiting the circus with Lydia and fall into this weird world which I cannot explain?

I chuckle nervously. If what Phoenix is trying to make me believe is true, then maybe I did die and come back to life, just not in the way I am thinking.

Is he playing a trick on me?

AmIa circus trick?

No.

There’s something in his eyes and in my mind that tells me this is real. The weird visions, the half memories. What have I got to lose by going again tonight?

And everything has changed now, hasn’t it? There’s something different in me, something pushing me towards Phoenix. A shift in the atmosphere.

Have I found my long-lost love? God, I sound crazy. But I think I do love him. IknowI do. I’d never let anyone else kiss me, touch me. I hate being touched, but with Phoenix, it’s like he brings me to life.

It’s right.

We’reright.

We’re bound somehow.

“Okay,” I nod my head, then I run my hand through my hair as if it can help me settle my thoughts.

Phoenix smiles in a way that makes me feel like I am melting. He grabs my cheeks again and kisses me. It’s with that one kiss, something I never thought I’d experience, that I know I am making the right decision.

---