Page 34 of The Wonder of You

“Will you tell me more about yourself?” I ask. “Like…how all this started? We’ve shared so much this week, but I don’t think I know that bit.”

“There’s not much to it, really,” Phoenix begins. “My parents left me at one of the children’s homes when I was about ten. They didn’t have the money to care for me. It’s where I met Lukas. He joined shortly after me. The kids were awful to him, and so were some of the adults, to be honest. We teamed up and the minute we had some money, we decided to escape.”

I imagine Phoenix helping Lukas through his struggles of being bullied. I never had a friend before this, also feeling like the outcast to everyone. I am so glad Lukas was saved by Phoenix; I am so glad thatIhave been saved by Phoenix.

“We were out on the run but so quickly, everything started to crash down around us. The money didn’t last. I had made all these promises to Lukas that we could survive, that we could make it on our own. I was fifteen and he was thirteen so it was my duty to protect him, to make up for all the promises I made and failed. He was getting weaker so I left him to go and steal some food. I had no other options. It was just from one of the markets, I thought I’d be able to sneak something away but I got caught. I thought the man was never going to stop hitting me, and then Henry appeared. He was older, twenty oddperhaps.” Phoenix looks so lost in memories and I stare memorised by him and his story. His voice is so calm, so smoothing. I could fall asleep just listening but I want to know more. I want to know everything I can about him.

“I managed to tell him about Lukas and he took me back to him. Helped sort my bashed-up face. Got us some water and food. I was scared of him, I won’t lie. He was helping us out but I noticed his outfit. It was one of the prison ones. We used to watch the prison guards lead the prisoners to the camps from the children’s home garden. They were always causing chaos on the way. I knew he must have been an escapee. I put myself in front of Lukas and questioned him. You should have seen the look in his eyes when I called him out. I thought I was in for a second beating.”

I gasp.

“Don’t worry,” he continues, his voice quieter. “Henry is harmless to us; he’s the circus protector in a way. All he did was laugh when I questioned him. He used to get himself in a lot of trouble. Always fighting and trying to save those less fortunate. He lived like that long enough that eventually people died from those fights, but Henry only did that to bad people. He’d never hurt us. We’re here because of him. Those men I stole from would have tortured me and Lukas would have died alone if I never got back. Henry showed us the way. The dangers of the land. The good of the land. How to get by, how to live. I owe him our lives.”

I take his hand and rub my fingers over his, hating the idea of someone ever hurting him.

“So how did the circus begin?”

“Well, a year ago, we found ourselves counting our money, realising how much we actually had. We done a few odd jobs here and there, usually set up by Henry. Things like building or cleaning. All boring but worthwhile for the money. We went to meet Henry at one of the local pubs to tell him we had more than we thought. When we got there, some random guy shouted at Lukas that he looked like a circus act.” Phoenix laughs. “I went to shout back, but then it hit me, why not start a circus? Lukas and Henry were all for it. It didn’t take long to find people like Toni, and she had all her girls with her too.”

“A year ago? It feels like I’ve kind of been here from the beginning.” I smile at his handsome face, feeling good about myself and where I am.

Phoenix leans forward and takes my hands. “Youare my beginning.”

My heart bursts as he kisses each of my hands. It hits me how much I want him, not just emotionally, but physically. I’ve never had sex, or even a kiss before Phoenix. In fact, I’ve never even thought about it. The men where I was before always seemed gross, always whistling at me or trying to grab my ass. Lydia lapped up the attention, giggling and flicking her hair seductively. The first time we had that attention when we were out to collect milk, she was blushing the whole night after. The next day, she purposely went out wearing a dress far too revealing.

I have never felt comfortable or safe with anyone, so I never did learn to follow suit. But Phoenix makes me feel both of those things and more. I have read about thefeeling of safety and the warmth of home in books, thinking I’d never be lucky enough to find those things for myself.

Here I am though, learning that home is this man wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight.

I decide to be bold and make the first move. Phoenix has been so gentle with me, but he’s only gone as far as kissing my neck. I know he doesn’t want to push me further until I am ready. I lean forward and kiss his lips. First, I am slow and gentle. Then the passion creeps up in me. It hits me quick and I act like I have been starved. I grab the back of his head and sit myself on his lap. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I feel like a whole new woman. His breath catches as my lips find his neck. A shiver runs down my spine and I thrust gently on him.

“Phoenix, I want you, I want you right now,” I whisper. He looks at me in a way that makes my stomach roll. He wants me too. I can see the lust in his eyes. He takes a deep breath and stands up with my legs still wrapped around his waist and carries me to the bed. My toes curl as he leans over me, lifting my dress and pulling my underwear off with his teeth. I bite my lip so I don’t squeal when he plants a kiss on my inner thigh. This small touch sends a shot of tingles throughout my whole body. He continues to kiss me. My stomach, my breasts and eventually he pulls my dress over my head and his lips find mine. He rubs his thumb over my chin and looks down at me in a way that sends goosebumps all over me. I lift my leg wrapping it around his waist so he can’t get away from me, although I can see by thelook in his eyes that he has no intention of leaving this moment. He kisses me as his hands reach down to a part of me that makes my back instantly arch.

“Phoenix,” I pant as my body flushes hot. I pull him closer, almost aggressively, as I become overwhelmed with passion. How can this man loveme? How can he wantme? It’s too much to handle.

“I love you so much, Renée,” he moans as he plunges his fingers inside of me as if searching for something he’s lost. I use my mouth to push back the material covering his shoulder to plant a bite on his bare skin, if only to stop myself from screaming. This only seems to make him work faster and harder. I wriggle underneath him as if being tickled. I manage to find my fingers on his waistline and pull the material over his head. I run my hands down his bare chest. Despite the passion, the desire to have him inside of me, I can’t help but admire every part of him. I love this man more than life itself. Everything about him looks so familiar, the moles on his skin, the muscles in his arms. I don’t believe there is a force strong enough to take me away from this and if there was, I’d find a way to crawl back to him.

“Take it off,” I whisper, unable to stop my voice shaking as if I’ve run miles upon miles. He immediately takes off his bottoms, granting me a moment to calm down from his rummaging fingers. He chucks the material across the room and this time, he moves his lips down me, kissing my thighs again, and then my most sensitive area. The butterflies in my stomach are swimming at a speed so furiously that I can’t control themoans that come out of my mouth. My body arches and I am in pure ecstasy as a tingle takes me. I scream, grabbing Phoenix’s hair to release some of the feeling swimming around, threatening to drown me in pure bliss. My back drops and I let my grip on Phoenix’s hair go. He finally lifts up and looks me with a smirk that might just kill me off once and for all. He softly runs his hand down my cheek and smiles at me. He is looking at me like I am a goddess. Damn, Iamone! I can barely hold myself together.

“Do you want to?” he asks, hopeful.

“Yes, of course I do,” is all I can say.

He doesn’t hesitate and I throw my head back as he finally enters me. With the first push, he declares he loves me again and I am in oblivion.

Chapter 24

Mortal Land

Bath, England

1793

“Is this any good?” a small child stands in front of me, looking up at me with pleading eyes. She raises the rock up and I take it gently from her hands. She has done her best job of painting one of the circus tents on the little grey rock. I smile. While the paint has ran off the sides, it looks like a splatter of rainbow and is a perfect representation of the circus. I love knowing she will keep this and remember us forever.

“This is incredible, I’ve never seen someone create one so colourful. It looks just like the tents!”

She squeals in excitement and pride, her little feet bouncing on the spot.

---