Page 51 of The Wonder of You

“Phoenix, I think it’s time to go back.” Lukas sounds nervous. He knew it was a good time to walk over when he saw Phoenix begin playing with the flame. He waves his hand behind him to get the attention of the others. He clicks his fingers in front of Phoenix’s face totry and wake him up from his own mind. It’s obvious what he’s thinking, what he’s taunting himself with.

“Phoenix, let me help you back.” Henry tries to pull him softly away, but Phoenix is frozen. He starts to lean forward into the fire and Lukas hurries to prevent his friend from ending everything.

“You can’t!” a small voice shouts from behind.

“Get away from the fire!” Lukas hisses at Maudie, desperate to stop Phoenix making a mistake, but also wanting to protect his daughter. If it hadn’t been for Renée pushing her out the way, he’d have lost her too.

“If she comes back and you’re gone, she’ll be sad Phoenix!” Maudie cries. “She’ll be so sad!”

Phoenix finally turns, looking at Maudie with tears in his eyes. Renée would be here comforting her right now if she could. She loved this little girl so much. Would she be angry at him for making Maudie cry? To fear that he was going to try and take his own life? He nods at her and walks away back to the safety and solitude of his cabin.

***

Henry has a day off from working on the game stall. Sometimes it can tire him out and the circus has so much else to offer. It’s been a while since they touched ground on the mortal lands again, with the second World War going on, it didn’t feel appropriate. Now that’s all over and the fifties don’t seem too bad.

“Is that an elephant you have over there?” a voice asks behind him.

Henry turns to see a young man and his smile drops from his face; he remembers the photo that Renée used to keep in her pocket, but it doesn’t matter anyway, the man has similar eyes to her. He’d know this man anywhere.

“Is it indeed, she’s our Elle, fancy meeting her?” Henry’s smile quickly returns. He loves Elle the Elephant but more importantly, he has a strong feeling it won’t be long until Renée is back.

As he leaves the young man named Beau talking enthusiastically to the elephant, he walks into Phoenix’s cabin. He lays there in his suit, looking like a small, broken child.

“It’s the grandfather, he’s here. It won’t be long now, Phoenix.” Henry tries to sound as cheerful as possible. He’s excited, it’s been hard for him hiding his own grief around Phoenix. He wants to cry for Renée too, but he must support his closest friend.

They are family, they are brothers.

“Every minute without her is too much,” Phoenix mumbles.

“But this means we’re closer, this means it’s happening, Phoenix. I know you think she might not come back, but this is proof. I can sense it.”

Surprise takes Henry’s features as Phoenix stands up and walks out the cabin. He walks over to Beau and he sees it too. He senses it. The connection that this man is going to have to Renée one day. The eyes are so similar.

“I see you like our elephant,” he manages to say. He’s forgotten how to communicate these days, but he wants to try. Beau smiles.

“I always wanted to join the circus, but I’ve just met someone special, so I think I will settle down.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Phoenix agrees. He’d usually push for someone like this to join the circus; to him, it feels like the circus is never a wrong choice. But this time, he knows this man has to settle down, has to have a child who will have a child of their own. It’s going to be a long wait and perhaps it isn’t even true, perhaps his mind is being foolish allowing hope inside it. But he has to have something to believe in.

“I should probably head home now.” Beau smiles just like Renée used to. Phoenix has to hold back tears. He can’t afford to give himself away.

“Well, here is a farewell present. Thank you for coming and spending time with our elephant.” Phoenix hands him a painted rock. Renée had painted a pink flower on it years and years before. Pink was always her favourite. “Maybe you can give it to that lady of yours? A symbol of your love?”

“Wow, thank you.” Beau looks genuinely thrilled with the gift.

As he leaves, Henry places his hand on Phoenix’s shoulder. Phoenix slumps forward though, he’s used too much of his energy. He keeps his head down as he makes his way back to the cabin.

Chapter 37

Immortal Land

Golden Valley

2006

Phoenix wakes with a fire inside him that’s been missing for some time. Sitting up in bed, he realises he cannot stand it any longer.

He has to do something.

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