Page 63 of The Wonder of You

“Where the fuck have you been?”

“Woah, why are you so angry?” I ask defensively.

“Because I went to the house a couple of times and you weren’t there, Dad was worried!”

“Dad was worried?” Some part of me wants to linger on that fact, but I stop myself. Now is not the time. I tilt my chin up. “I have a life besides being at the house.”

“Do you?” she tilts her head with her sarcastic question.

“Yeah, I do. I’ve been here.”

“This whole time?Here?”

I nod. Her eyes widen.

“What an earth, Renée? You meet a strange man and the next minute you’re staying here with him… did you sleep in his cabin?”

“Don’t call him strange! Besides, if you really feel so angry about it, why did you give him my address?”

“Because I thought you were getting to know him. I didn’t think you’d be having a one-night stand with him!” Her voice gets more high-pitched as she speaks.

“It wasn’t a one-night stand, Lydia.” I try to keep my voice firm; I don’t want it to break. She’s not the boss of me. I am not scared of her.

“What was it then? A two-night stand? How many times have you given yourself to him? I didn’t think you were such a whore, Renée!”

I stand back, totally shocked and speechless.

“This isn’t you, not at all. Has he drugged you or something?”

Again, I can’t believe what I am hearing from my sister. She is allowed a boyfriend, but I’m not? I can’t convince myself that the sister who once tried organising my kidnapping in another life is trying to look out for me. If she was, why would she be so angry and have the audacity to call me a whore?

“I really like him, Lydia. None of this is your business anyway, okay?” It’s hard to keep calm, but I am trying my best.

“What are you going to do when they leave?” she stands tall, her hands on her hips again, an annoying pout on her face. “Will you find another circus freak to screw? What are you going to do next, fuck the clown? I guess the name Stripey Stipey will suit you here.”

“What the hell are you on, Lydia? To start with, because it’s about time I said it, that’s your last name too. Should I call you that as well? And why are you so worked up about this? Don’t call them freaks, they’re not freaks. They’re my friends.”

No, they’re my family,I think to myself, but I won’t jump into calling them that in front of my sister. I’ve likely done enough damage with the whole speech that just rambled out of my mouth.

Lydia laughs so loud and so falsely that it sounds like a witch’s cackle. I sense Phoenix and maybe Henry standing somewhere behind me, probably trying to look busy, but actually keeping an eye out for me.

“They are your friends? You’ve known them for a day, Renée!” I hate the way she says my name, almost spitting it out. “They’renotyour friends and you have given yourself to someone you don’t know.”

I do know him.

I take a deep breath so I don’t say it out loud. If I start saying things like that, Lydia will convince herself that I have been drugged, or maybe I have finally lost my mind. I don’t need her or Dad calling a doctor.

“I’m twenty-nine, I can make my own choices.” I remind her.

“Sleeping with a man after one day though, Renée? Don’t you have any respect for yourself? What about everything you went through?”

“Bloody hell, Lydia!” I slap my hands on the sides of my legs in frustration. Why does she have to come along and ruin this? “It’s been over twenty years and I am doing my best to move past it. I am allowed a happy future with a man despite being raped as a child. Don’t start acting like you care now.”

Anger fills my bones, I know my words are horrible, but they are true. It happened tome, not to her.

Lydia is speechless for a moment; I can tell her mind is freaking out with what I’ve just said. Is it a surprise to her that I’ve just said that awful word out loud? Did she know the full extent of what our uncle did to me? Or did Dad keep her in the dark? I take a shaky breath.

“I want to move on, Icanmove on. People like me can still have a happy future.”

---