Page 119 of Rejecting his Mate

“It’s okay to be angry. I’d be surprised if you weren't.”

She closes her eyes, licking her bottom lip. I trace themovement, unable to keep the hunger out of my gaze. “I don’t want to think about it.”

I lead her over to the couch, sitting and pulling her against me. Her head rests on my chest, her hand pressed against my stomach. “Did you have a first moon ceremony?”

“Yeah. My father brought my wolf out just after my twenty-first birthday. I remember the pain and the uncertainty. Then my wolf was there.”

I like the feel of her against me, safely in my arms. At the moment, that safety feels like an illusion. She will never be truly safe until I get rid of everything threatening her, but I don’t know how to fight against those coming for her.

I don’t trust Hester, but I do agree that tau need to stand together against the common enemy.

“What does it feel like?”

“Shifting?” She nods against my chest. “The first time was excruciating. I’ve never felt pain like it. It was as if every part of my body shattered at once. I remember kneeling in the dirt, wishing for death.”

“Oh, I remember that feeling.” The bitterness in her voice doesn’t surprise me. I can’t imagine how being unable to fully shift would feel like. When my wolf came out to recognize her as my mate, I felt real fear watching her jolting and thrashing but not changing. “The sensation of every bone in your body breaking then reforming—”

“The first is painful, but after that, it becomes easier.” I draw circles on her arm with the tips of my fingers, soothing her. “It’s hard to describe. It feels likepouring liquid from one glass to another. There is this pull from somewhere deep inside for a split second, and then the change happens. My wolf takes over my consciousness, and my thoughts become more animal than human.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“For a second.” It hurts for slightly longer than a second. There is still that feeling of every bone breaking, but the shift becomes more fluid, happening faster with practice.

“I know it is unlikely that I will ever be able to meet my wolf, and that makes me sad. I feel like I failed her somehow.”

I place a finger under her chin, lifting her head so she is looking at me. “You haven’t failed at anything. Look at the things you can do. Your magic is so powerful.”

“Powerful enough to take lives.”

I don’t like that she still feels guilty about that. If she hadn’t killed them, they would have killed us. “And if you’re in that situation ever again, you make the same decision. You do whatever it takes to survive, you understand?”

“You don’t think I’m a monster for what I did?”

I tip her head back, pressing my mouth to hers. If I could suck all the bad feelings out of her body, I would. The kiss I give her is soft. Now is not the time to be a possessive asshole, even though she brings that out in me. Her mouth is gentle as it moves against mine, her fingers tangling around the back of my neck. I’m happy for her to take control if she needs it. I focus on ourmingled scents and the way our breath combines as our tongues entwine.

When she finally pulls back, it is only because we are both breathless, needing to come up for air. “You didn’t answer the question,” she accuses.

“I don’t think you’re a monster. And if you are, so am I. I’m glad they are dead, and you’re not.”

She snuggles back against my chest, her arm draped over my belly, her fingers trailing over my side.

“Do you see your mom and dad much?”

The question doesn’t surprise me. Of course, she would be curious about my family, considering her own. “We try to visit at least once or twice a year, but Sawyer and I aren’t much for the sun. I like the mountains, the fresh air, and the woods. When we visit, I feel claustrophobic among all those humans.”

“Are you close?”

“They have their life, and we have ours.”

“I desperately want to believe my mom survived whatever happened to us,” she admits, her voice small as she says it.

“When things calm down, we can arrange to meet your aunt. She knows what happened that day, and she can fill in the blanks for you.”

Halle snorts. “Do you really think we will have the opportunity to leave here? We are not safe out there.”

I want to tell her I don’t think we are safe here either, but she has enough stuff rolling around her mind, so I keep that thought to myself. If I have to sleep with one eye open, I will.

“When did you know you were different?”

---