Page 25 of Crash & Burn

I didn’t even notice he was holding two coffees in his hand until now, and I mentally slap myself in the face for how distracted I am when I’m in his presence.

Even though I’ve known Eddie for years, I haven’t spent as much time with him as I have in the past two weeks. Some younger sisters develop harmless crushes on their older brother’s friends, almost as if it’s a rite of passage or a part of the teenage experience. I can honestly say that I missed out on that part of growing up, thanks to never being allowed near Theo, Silas, or Eddie. This is actually the first time I’ve ever been alone with one of them, and I quickly become intimately aware of that as Eddie stretches out an arm towards me, holding an iced coffee from a local place down the street from me.

“Earth to Mia?” he prompts, as I just stare down at the plastic cup as if I’ve never seen one before.

“Oh, um, sorry,” I stammer before reaching to grab the coffee from him, and I wish I had a better comeback than a half-assed apology. As I do, our fingertips brush, sending sparks up my arm despite the cold condensation on the cup. I almost let go but can’t help but lean into the feeling. A moment passes before Eddie lets go, reminding me these stupid sparks are all in my head.

Really, Mia? You touched his hand. Relax.

“Thanks,” I say as I avoid his eyes and step around him to take a seat at my kitchen island. I take a sip from the straw as I sit down to stop myself from saying anything stupid.

Along with the familiar taste of creamy coffee with a hint of vanilla, confusion coats my tongue as I ask, “How’d you know my coffee order?” A more acceptable response to the coffee would be “thank you” or, “you shouldn’t have,” but I can’t stop the question from leaving my lips.

Eddie looks confused before answering. “You gave it to Silas yesterday,” he states as if the answer was obvious.

“I did?”

He nods.

“And you remembered?” I ask, a slight smile gracing my lips.

It’s an iced latte.

With oat milk.

And vanilla.

My favorite.

And heremembered.

He lets out a dry chuckle as he shakes his head, and I must have imagined the slight red in his cheeks because his voice takes on a stern tone, one I’ve heard from Mateo so many times. “It’s just a coffee, Mia. It’s not a big deal.”

I nod and take another sip, embarrassed at the thoughts I was having just a second ago, not letting the unwarranted disappointment show on my face at the way he brushed me off.

I don’t even know why I am disappointed, but I do know that thinking this gesture was anything but polite is pathetic. Reading into it, like I am, is proving that I am just Mateo’s little sister, with the confidence of a deflated balloon.

Letting Eddie come over, being alone with him, was a bad idea.

“So,” I begin, “what did you want to talk about?” The quicker we get whateverthisisover with, the better.

A flicker ofsomethingflashes across his face, but I don’t let myself read into it.

“Right. So, I don’t think guitar lessons are going to work out.”

I should have seen this coming.

“Yeah, me either.” I knew this. I knew they weren’t going to work out. Just last night I was thinking about how they were a bad idea. The petty side of me wishesIwas the one to broach this topic first. The self-deprecating side of me wants to know whyhedoesn’t think they were going to work out.

Guitar lessons were never going to work because I don’t even want to learn how to play. Making music has always been Mateo’s thing; itwasNico’s thing. It was never something I wanted to do.

For me, it was always about listening, enjoying, appreciating. Wanting to learn how to play in an effort to try and find the song Nico wrote was stupid.

But Eddie doesn’t know about Nico. Eddie doesn’t know about any of this, so why does he think the lessons won’t work out?

And why do I care what he thinks?

“It’s just,” he starts. His hands are now resting on the counter across the island where he’s standing. His last few sips of black iced coffee sitting next to one of his hands, and I have a perfect view of his corded arms and strong shoulders.

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