Page 69 of Crash & Burn

“When’s the first show?” Drew asks.

“We have our last show for this tour tomorrow night, and then our first official show as part of a tour is next June, almost exactly a year from the show that got us on the map.”

“How poetic,” Annie deadpans.

I have become immune to her directness and resting bitch face these past three months, but it was not easy.

I have never met someone who is so hot and so cold at the same time. She flips the switch like nothing, warm and inviting one second, and then plotting how she is going to kill you and make it look like an accident the next.

Mateo looks at her, and I see something pass in my brother’s eyes, something I haven’t seen before. Mateo has had two serious girlfriends in his adult life, both ending amicably. His excuse for not dating has always been having to balance work and the band, but I think I’m partly to blame too. What I see on his face right now makes me think he is ready to get back out there.

I feel sorry for him though because he isn’t the only person to notice how he is looking at Annie right now, and Luke is by her side in a blink of an eye.

“Congrats on the tour, man. Beer?” Luke’s demeanor is that of a golden retriever, but I have found that he isn’t afraid to show his edge when it comes to Annie. There is a smile on his face, but the way he comes to stand between her and Mateo is anything but friendly.

“Yeah, thanks. I was going to go sit at the bar with Theo and Silas anyway.” Mateo nods to Luke and looks past him at Annie who continues to look at him as if she is completely unfazed. I can’t say I’m not surprised.

“Have fun with your yahoos,” she calls as Mateo turns to walk to the bar.

“You got the hots for Mia’s brother, Annie girl?” Luke asks, resting his elbows on the high-top table, leaning into Annie. It comes off as messing with her, but I know it goes deeper.

I look at Drew with questioning eyes, and she just rolls her eyes. I turn to Eddie who is standing between our chairs, and he gives me a similar response, shrugging his shoulders before following Mateo over to the bar.

“Yep. Been looking for someone to take the edge off. He seems up for the challenge.” Annie says as she slowly faces Luke. Her voice is cold, but I feel my chest heat, on full display in my baby pink tank top. Luke is her target, and I’m a bystander. Yet, he doesn’t look fazed, and I am the one left flustered by her remark.

“We’re going to go get another drink,” Drew announces, so I follow her lead and hop off my chair to walk over to the bar.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Emmett says, leaning over the bar to kiss Drew. Her cheeks turn the same shade of red as her hair, and I can’t get over how cute they are. “Another lovers quarrel?” Emmett asks her.

“Something like that,” Drew replies as she sits down on the bar stool.

Emmett comes around the bar to sit next to her, his job being done for the night now that it is just nine of us here, and three of the nine work here. Drew is wrapped up in him as I sit down next to her.

Eddie is to my left, very interested in the bottle cap of his beer, and Mateo is on his other side turned towards Theo and Silas.

Everyone is coupled off, except for us.

“How did it go tonight?” I ask him.

“Good,” he answers.

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

Well, this isn’t awkward at all.

The last time Eddie and I talked, just the two of us, was almost three whole months ago, but I didn’t think talking to him like a normal person would be this difficult.

The last time we talked was the weekend of their first show, and we both opened up to each other in a way I don’t think either of us were expecting. There was a comfort with talking to Eddie that I haven’t had before, and there was a sense of safety I felt with him that I have been longing to feel again.

That weekend feels so long ago yet so recent at the same time, and I find myself wondering, when I can’t fall asleep at night, if it could have gone differently.

And if it did, where would Eddie and I be now?

While the past three months have been busy, they have also been so incredibly healing. I found a worth in myself that I had been missing, and I no longer feel like I am on the verge of falling apart.

I haven’t had a panic attack since the night in the hotel room with Eddie, and my therapist has moved me to monthly sessions starting next month because of how much progress she has seen. September will be the first month where I have one session rather than three or four, and I’m proud of where I am.

---