Page 73 of Crash & Burn

Annie, Mateo, Theo, and Silas are in a heated discussion about who gets to sing first, so Luke, Eddie, and I walk behind the foursome as we head to the Karaoke MKE.

“Who do you think is going to win?” Luke asks, breaking the silence between the three of us as we walk. It is no surprise how hyper fixated he is on Annie, and I have noticed a pattern when it comes to Luke’s dips in demeanor, and it usually happens when Annie’s attention isn’t on him.

“Definitely Mateo,” I answer as we fall in step with each other. My brother is an oldest child, through and through, completely used to calling the shots and getting to go first. Annie definitely doesn’t seem like the type to back down though.

“I don’t know,” Luke playfully says, “I think my Annie girl is going to give him a run for his money,”

“Want to make it interesting?” I ask Luke.

“You know it. If Mateo sings first, your drinks come out of my paycheck for the next month.”

“Deal,” I answer. Annie convinced Emmett to give our group what she calls the “Fam Bam” discount on our drinks at Lenny’s, but I spend a lot of time there, so free drinks for a month is definitely worth the risk.

“If Annie sings first, you have to tell me what’s going on between you and my boy here,” Luke lifts his eyes to Eddie, giving him a wink.

“Fuck off, Luke,” Eddie says, adding to the conversation for the first time since we started walking.

Luke laughs. “Don’t even try to pretend you weren’t eye-fucking Mia at the bar or whispering sweet nothings in her ear in the backseat.”

What do I have to do right now for the ground to swallow me whole?

This is what I get for seeking the thrill of sneaking around with Eddie for no good goddamn reason other than needing to complicate my life when things are going well.

My therapist and I are going to have so much fun talking about my new-found ability to self-sabotage in September.

To my surprise, Eddie laughs along, playing into his laid-back, carefree self, and I am seeing first-hand how well it works for him.

“Iwish. Mia would never settle for a guy like me.” Eddie smiles despite the self-deprecation in his words, and I don’t think he’s joking.

This makes Luke laugh even harder, and I continue to act as though I am not in the middle—or the center—of this conversation.

“You’re right, Ramirez. What the hell was I thinking? Our Mia deserves the best,” he says, before filling the gap between him and Annie. He rushes up next to her, bumping Mateo from where he is walking next to her, and puts an arm around her shoulder. It lasts all of about two seconds before she shoves him away and picks up her pace.

“Why did you say that?” I ask Eddie, now that is just the two of us. We have two more blocks until our destination, and it is back to just him and I.

“Say what?”

“That I would never settle for a guy like you?”

Eddie runs his fingers through his hair before putting both hands in the pocket of his slacks. I can tell he wants to do something with his hands because he taps his back pocket before realizing his drumsticks aren’t there.

“Come on, Mia. I had to set him straight. It’s not like anything is going on between us anyway. We’re friends,right?” His voice slightly cracks when he says “right” so I know he is still trying to put on his happy face.

My turn to turn the tables.

“So,” I start. “You weren’tactuallythinking of all the things you would tell me if we were alone?” I look up with him making sure my eyes lock him in like I know they always do. “BecauseIwas.”

“Don’t you dare, sunshine. I know what you’re doing, and you need to stop. I’m hanging on by a thread right now as it is.” His voice is playful yet serious at the same time, and, just like always, the line between us is blurring. This is turning into a game of who is going to back down first, and I refuse to lose. “You need a friend, here I am. You know I can’t be anything more.”

“Do I?” I ask, and it flies out of my mouth before I can think of a better response. I’m not sure who is in control right now, and I don’t know what part of this is the stupid little game we play, but I couldn’t be more serious when I say, “Because this,” I gesture between us, “doesn’t feel like any friendship I’ve had.”

“That’s because it’s ours, and I’m nothing like you’ve ever had before.”

I trip over my own foot, clearly affected by what he just said. Eddie reaches out to grab my arm. Without it, I would have fallen flat on my face, but the touch is electric, sending tiny vibrations throughout my entire body.

“You guys coming?” I whip my head up in the direction we’re walking, and I see Drew holding the door for Eddie and I at Karaoke MKE. Eddie lets go of my arm as we close the gap and pauses to let me into the door first before grabbing it to hold open for Drew.

Doesn’t look like we are finishing that conversation anytime soon.

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