Page 83 of Crash & Burn

Giving me the greatest gift I could ever receive.

A piece of Nico I thought I’d never get back.

I hear bits and pieces of what Mateo is singing, lyrics about putting your arms around a ghost and having to close the door on the only love you thought you deserved. He’s singing words taken directly from my head, even though I’ve never shared them. Feeling left to wander alone, stuck wishing you could say goodbye but feeling like they never truly went away.

He gets to the end of the second chorus, holding a note that gives me goosebumps before saying to Theo, “Hit ‘em with the riff.” Theo comes in with a guitar solo that pumps the crowd up, and then the music stops, and Mateo’s vocals are isolated as he sings,you’re still right here with me. I’m stuck in place, can’t say goodbye and walk away. I need to let you go.The instruments start back up again, all building to the final chorus, speaking words that I feel so deep in my skin that they will etch themselves in my bones.

The song ends, and the crowd is silent. A few moments pass before the whole venue erupts in chaos, screaming, cheering, clapping. The air vibrates with all the noise coming from the crowd.

I’ve never seen anything like it.

Mateo thanks the crowd, and Theo, Silas and Eddie join him at the front, putting their arms around each other and taking a bow. The cheers don’t stop even when they are off stage, and it takes me a second to unwrap myself from Drew and Annie who look at me with concern.

I don’t have time to reassure them because my one and only priority is finding Eddie.

Every single show after the first one, Eddie always went straight to the merch booth after making me promise before the second show that I would be there when they came out. I’m not working tonight’s show, but I still make my way through the crowd to get to the booth.

I don’t know what I’m going to say to Eddie, how do you thank someone who gave you something so priceless?

How do you explain to someone that they took the words directly from your head and put them into a song?

How do you tell someone they are the reason you wanted to listen to music again?

I get to the booth, looking everywhere for Eddie. I watch the door that leads to the back, and I wait for what feels like eternity.

My stomach jumps when I see it open, only finding my brother, Theo and Silas following closely. I make my way over to them, and Mateo’s face brightens when he sees me. He pulls me in for a hug, and I forget about finding Eddie for a second and focus on Mateo.

“You were amazing,” I say against his chest. He is sweaty and gross, but I don’t care. “You guys were amazing! That last songliterallymade the crowd speechless.” He pulls back to look at me, and he uses his thumb to wipe a tear from my cheek. His face quickly shifts to concern.

Turning to Theo and Silas, he orders, “You two, go start selling shit.”

“No hug for me?” Theo asks.

“Or me?” Silas adds, and I let out a huff of a laugh, and I give them a soft smile, thanking them for being their usual flirty selves with my eyes.

“Now,” Mateo grits through his teeth.

They head over to the booth, and Mateo pulls me back through the door he came from. There is random equipment and people all around, so he grabs my hand and leads me to their green room.

“Why are you crying?” He asks when he closes the door to the green room. I look around, seeing an empty couch and chairs surrounding a table with a TV. I thought—hoped—Eddie would be in here, but I don’t see him. “Mia?” Mateo prompts, bringing my attention back to him, but I think he already knows the answer to his earlier question by the way he pulls me back in for a hug.

“You weren’t supposed to cry,” he says into my hair.

“You weren’t supposed to dedicate a whole-ass song to me,” I argue, and he laughs.

“Mia, you deserve way more than a song.” He pulls back and gestures for me to sit on one of the couches. “I never thought making you be my band’s photographer would turn into this, and we meant what we said out there. We couldn’t have gotten to where we are without you.”

“I’ve never thanked you for hiring me against my will,” I say. “I wouldn’t be where I am right now without you,” I add, alluding to how much has changed since June.

“Youput yourself together, Mia. Don’t let me take credit for that. You did it all on your own, and you should be so fucking proud,” Mateo says, and my eyes cloud again. This night was nothing like I thought it would be, from the bar with Drew and Annie, to hearing the guys play Nico’s song, to this.

It’s all too much for my heart.

“It feels good to be whole again,” I say, wiping my eyes, not wanting anymore tears to fall. My makeup is too expensive to be crying it all off.

A few moments pass, and I can’t help but ask. “Where’s Eddie?”

Mateo looks at me, and I wish I didn’t say anything. “Why?”

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