Page 90 of Crash & Burn

I can’t take my eyes off the person capturing every moment.

Mia has her camera to her face getting every shot imaginable. She knows exactly how to find the perfect moment to freeze, so it can always stay a memory.

One of my favorite things about watching Mia behind the camera is how she smiles with every photo she takes.

It is at that moment I decide that even the photographer deserves to have her moments captured for memories.

Chapter 30

Mia

A lot can happen in a year. In more ways than one, my life isn’t even recognizable compared to where it was last June. As Cross My Heart plays the song that permanently altered my brain chemistry in a place that has become a second home with the people who make it feel like one, I can’t help but think of how much has changed.

The song Eddie wrote for me still sends a shiver down my spine, even though I’ve heard it more times than I can count. After hearing it plenty over the course of the past ten months, I have honed in on my reactions to it, but there is still always the risk of a stray tear falling whenever I hear Mateo sing the lyrics that are so close to my heart.

The song means more to me than anything anyone has ever given me, and it healed me in ways I didn’t even know I needed.

And I owe it all to Eddie.

The man who thinks he is so broken yet knew exactly how to put a piece of me back together.

If I could, I would show all the ways he isn’t as broken as he thinks he is.

The night in the green room, it felt so right and so wrong in ways that are still confusing to me. Eddie and I are drawn to each other, like moths to a flame, even when we know we are no good together.

But how can something that feels so good be bad?

This spiral of thoughts has become a daily occurrence because we haven’t had a moment alone together since that night. We have spent time together, as friends and with our friends, but there is always tension between us.

Not only are we keeping secrets from our friends, and my brother, but we are also lying to ourselves, pretending that we don’t havesomethingbetween us, no matter how right or wrong it is.

“You okay?” I hear Drew ask me over the music. Her and I are standing at a high-top table watching Cross My Heart perform. Lenny’s is packed tonight, here to support a local band on their way of making it to the big leagues. Drew and I are at the back of the crowd while Annie and Luke man the bar and Emmett sticks to Drew like glue, more so than usual.

“Yeah, I’m all good.” My spiraling thoughts showing on my face. I have to talk louder than usual, so Drew can hear me. “Tonight is about you, don’t worry about me.”

“You looked like you were deep in thought,” she says. “Care to share with the class?” She jokes, gesturing to her and Emmett, never missing the opportunity to put her teacher hat on.

I laugh, and for a moment want to tell Drew all about Eddie. The thought of being able to share what is going on, not having to keep it all in my head, is so tempting. But then I remember she is about to marry one of Eddie’s best friends. “Not today,” I answer, glancing at Emmett.

Drew gives me a questioning look before turning to Emmett. “Hey, handsome. Can you get me another drink?”

Emmett seems reluctant to go but gives her a kiss on the top of her head before grabbing the empty White Claw can she is holding and heading to the bar. Once he walks behind the bar towards the cooler, Drew turns to me. “Spill it.”

I glance to see Luke intercept Emmett, so I know I have about two minutes before Emmett tells Luke to fuck off, and he comes back over.

Cross My Heart is still playing, so I lean into Drew, talking right into her ear, and I give her the quickest synopsis of Eddie and I, starting the night him and Mateo came over after I called Mateo at the bar, ending with what happened in the green room and how we decided that we let the moment get the best of us, and it would never happen again. I tell her about the night in the hotel room and the road trip, and I explain how we both opened up to each other about the most broken parts of us, not going into detail aboutwhatexactly was said.

Drew doesn’t get a word in until I finish. I lean away from her ear, meeting her gaze, and her emerald eyes are widened, and her mouth is slightly open.

“Say something,” I say as I see Emmett heading back over.

“I figured there was something going on, but I thought it was just a little crush or maybe just physical. I didn’t think it was so,” she shakes her head looking for the word, “intense.”

She pauses and lets out a sigh. “Eddie is complicated, and I’m sure you know that. And I know you know what it is like to not want to heal.”

I nod, thinking of where I was this time last year. It took me a few months, but I opened up to Drew and Annie about Nico and what happened. I haven’t told them about the song and how Eddie wrote it because he heard me hum it. I didn’t even realize I was humming while I was deep in thought or working, and I don’t think Eddie has told Mateo, Theo, or Silas about where his inspiration came from. Everyone knows the song was dedicated to me, but I don’t think anyone, aside from me and Eddie, knowshowthe song was written for me.

Drew continues, “I think that is where Eddie is. He needs someone who gets that.”

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