Page 98 of Crash & Burn

“How could I forget?”

“That was almost a year ago,” I argue. “There is no way you remember what I was wearing. I don’t even remember.” There was so much going on that night, I can barely remember walking home. Not from alcohol but because my mind blocked it out. I was in a constant stage of fight or flight up until the weeks following that night. There are so many foggy memories from those years. The only clear ones being from the past ten months.

“You looked hot with your leather skirt and your bruised hand.” We laugh at the memory, and it feels good. Healing. To be laughing at a moment that is arguably my rock bottom, the straw that broke the camel’s back, just shows how far I’ve come.

“I remembereverythingabout you,” Eddie adds. He leans his body against the door frame as I open the door to my apartment and step inside. “You like iced vanilla lattes with oat milk, the color pink, you don’t like to wear shoes.” He lists off these facts about me, holding up a finger with each one as if to show me he could go on and on.

“Wow. So observant, raindrop,” I applaud. “You deserve a gold star, you really do,” I tease, also ignoring the fact he said the last fact about me as I kicked off my shoes.

I turn to see he is still standing in the hallway, now leaned against the inside of the door frame. “You’re really not coming in?” I ask as I unloop my camera bag from his shoulder.

“Nope,” he replies, emphasizing the “p” sound. “The things I want to do to you right about now are clouding my judgment, and it is taking everything in me not to come in and rip your clothes off,” he explains so matter-of-factly, and my chest reddens at the thought of what those things may be and how they involve me naked. I have the urge to ask him to elaborate, but he continues before I can interject. “I can’t do any of those things until we talk about us.”

Us.

The fact that there is an us, and hearing Eddie say it, gives me goosebumps, causing me to forget the dirty thoughts that evaded my mind just seconds ago.

Finally, Eddie and me.

Us.

“I would like to set the record straight that we have donesomeof those things already, so what’s the harm now?” I ask, crossing my arms. I know I’m being difficult, but he always seems to bring it out of me. Challenging him, teasing him, flirting with him, this is how this whole mess began.

It is also what blurred the lines.

He chuckles, clearly seeing that I’m just being a brat. “Let me rephrase then, sunshine,” he says. “We will not be doing any of those thingsagainuntil we have talked aboutus. Got it?”

“Got it,” I conclude, rolling my eyes. I set my camera bag on the counter of my kitchen, smiling at that word again.

Us.

But is it too good to be true?

There is a lot we have to talk about.

For one, how the hell are we going to make it work?

I knew leaving the truck would cause reality to set in, and that is why I didn’t want to get out.

Mateo has made one thing very clear, and that is he isn’t okay with me being anything more than friends with Eddie, but I can’t help but think there is more to it.

There is no one more loyal than Eddie, and I know he would never want Mateo to feel uncomfortable or betrayed if Eddie and I are together. I would never want Eddie to prioritize me over my brother, but how will he balance the two?

And what if we don’t work out? What if this is all just a big mess that will ruin not only my friendship with Eddie, but Mateo’s too?

Mateo is all I have, and I can’t risk losing him, but I also don’t want him to lose Eddie or Eddie to lose him.

Eddie has become so important to me, and he knows me in ways no one else does.

Plus, what about our other friends? Annie, Luke, Drew, Emmett . . . we can’t make them choose sides if we don’t work out.

And the band? My work with Cross My Heart? Mateo might hate me and fire me, and I’m not going to make Eddie choose between me and the band.

Eddie and I don’t even know whatweare.

Am I even ready for this? My last relationship ended against my will in the worst-possible way and I barely recovered.

If I try the whole relationship thingagainand it doesn’t work out,willIbe okay?

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