Page 10 of Crash & Burn

There is, no doubt, that he is choosing to ignore the ulterior motives I accused him of, but I’m too stunned to articulate a response.

“I’m sure the Davidson’s won’t mind if you take some time off or let them know you’ve found another job. They’ve cut back your hours with the boys getting older anyway. Plus, you’re going to need to open your schedule. You’ll be coming to our practices, our social events, our shows, everything.”

“Whoa, hold on. I did not agree to this. Why are you acting like I already said yes? I don’t want to work for you.”

“You don’t have a choice, Mia. Either you let me help you, or I’m cutting you off, and I don’t want to do that. But, I will if I have to.”

My brother’s works as a computer scientist during the day and he makes enough money to comfortably take care of the both of us. He helps me pay for my rent, car, insurance, school loans, and pretty much everything else. My job as a nanny doesn’t cover even half of my expenses, so I need his help financially.

“You can’t hold money over my head,” I argue, the defensiveness now taking over my words.

“I don’t want to, but this has gone too far. I can’t keep watching you throw away your life while you still have one to live.”

I let out a gasp as if the words physically touched my skin. “That’s not fair.” My voice is small, but he keeps hitting me where it hurts.

“Nico wouldn’t want this,” Mateo reassures softly, knowing that this is a truth I don’t want to hear. Tears threaten to fall, but I don’t let them. That has always been his tactic, and it works because he knows me better than anyone.

I want to tell Mateo he has no idea what Nico would have wanted. I want to tell him how all Nico wanted was to be happy, but he couldn’t overcome the demons in his head no matter how hard he tried.

But, I keep my mouth shut and ponder how the hell I’m going to get out of this.

I don’t want to be a band photographer for Cross My Heart.

The last thing I want to do is be surrounded by music, and I haven’t picked up my camera in years. It has been in a box I keep in the back of one of my dresser drawers since Nico’s funeral, and that is where it’s going to stay.

“I can’t,” I manage to say, and my brother somehow knows the thoughts going through my head.

“You can,” he responds, and I can’t argue with that because he adds, “and you will. I’m on my way over. You’re coming with me to practice.”

Chapter 4

Mia

I thought I would be able to convince Mateo I needed some time to think about what we talked about, and how I would come to band practice when I was ready, but he didn’t want to hear any of it. He refused any answer that wasn’t, “Okay, I’m coming.”

The guys practice in an empty warehouse next-door to one of the bars they frequent, both as customers and as performers—Lenny’s. It’s also the bar Eddie works at when he isn’t practicing.

Cross My Heart used to practice in Theo’s garage, but after too many noise complaints, they were forced to find a different space. Luckily, Eddie is close friends with the owner of Lenny’s who also owns the empty warehouse.

The warehouse is made up of a concrete floor and gray walls, and despite it being summer, the inside is cold, not to mention small and bare. The guys each have their instruments, and there are amps set up with a microphone stand for all four of them. There is a table with a few chairs that fill up one of the corners of the space and gives me somewhere to sit while they practice.

When we got here, I could tell Mateo had already warned Theo, Silas, and Eddie that I would be coming because there was not a hint of surprise on their faces when I walked in behind Mateo. Mateo and Eddie usually drive together for practice, but I’m sure Mateo asked Eddie to meet him here since he wanted to drive me. I can also safely assume Eddie got more than enough of Mateo and me last night.

I can also tell that Mateo told all three guys to leave me alone because all I got was a wink from Theo, a smile from Silas, and a small wave from Eddie.

I’ve always noticed that all three guys are insanely attractive in their own way. Watching them from afar, for so many years, allowed me to appreciate their looks the same way you do a celebrity’s, knowing you can look but nothing will ever happen.

Theo, the guitarist, has always turned heads with his dark hair and eyes so brown they almost seem black. Silas, on the other hand, reminds me of someone you would see in a country band rather than a rock band—always in a flannel, with blond, shaggy hair that peeks out from his backwards trucker hat. Both are the type of guys that break-up songs are about—heartbreakers through and through.

Neither of them measure up to Eddie, though, whose green eyes would haunt my dreams in far more exciting ways than I’m used to. That is, if my mind wasn’t so occupied with the grief and trauma that dictates my life.

Mateo has always made it clear that all three of these guys are extremely off-limits, and has told me, since I was fifteen, to “not even think about it.”

Not that they have any interest in me anyway.

I have much more important things to deal with anyway, so my brother’s friends are the absolute last thing on my mind.

I have my camera bag with me, but I have yet to take it out. It’s been about half an hour since we got here, and, so far, I’ve heard a bunch of random chords, beats, microphone frequency, and,“Test 1, 2, 3,” as they get everything ready to start practicing their five-song set-list for the opening set they will play at each of their six Midwest shows.

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