Page 125 of Crash & Burn

Music was something I tried so hard to remove from all aspects of my life after Nico died, to only have it become a bigger part of my life when I needed it most.

Cross My Heart, my brother, Eddie, my Lenny’s crew, I never would have had them without what happened.

So why can’t I get rid of this weight on my chest?

Seeing Eddie with his mom makes my heart feel like it is literally about to burst. On top of that, the way that he dotes on her, making sure her glass of wine is always filled, that her plate is refreshed, that she has everything she needs.

It is almost too much.

Not to mention the way that he does the same for his sisters, being the one to get up from the table to grab them something or clear their plates when they finish their dinner.

Itistoo much.

When we got here, walking through the front door felt like walking on stage, not knowing the words to the song you are supposed to sing.

Eddie squeezed my hand as he announced, “Estamos aquí.”

One more thing that isn’t good for my heart: hearing this man speak Spanish.

Having parents who immigrated from Mexico before the four kids were born, Eddie and his sisters grew up speaking Spanish at home and English at school.

Eddie mentioned they switch off between Spanish and English at home, his mother having learned English when she moved here with Eddie’s father, which was something else that made me a little nervous being the only one who didn’t speak Spanish.

Luckily, all worries subsided when we walked into the lively kitchen, his three sisters sitting at the kitchen counter, his mom at the stove. Glasses of wine in everyone’s hands, smiles on everyone’s faces.

“Mi niño guapo..My handsome boy,” Eddie’s mom, Cecilia, bellowed as she stirred up a big pot of what I now know ispozole, abrothy, Mexican soup made with hominy and meat. “Dame un beso, mojito.”

Eddie walked us over to her, giving her a kiss on the cheek before holding out his hand to me. “Ma, this is Mia.Es mi novia.”

Novia?

“Mia, it is so nice to meet you.” She reached out and grabbed my hand that Eddie had just let go of. She brought me in for a hug like it was the most natural thing to do. “MiEduardo has talked so much about you.” Her voice is thick with an accent, words warm in my ear.

“Thank you for inviting me to your family dinner. It’s so nice to meet you.” She pulled back, her hands on my shoulders, and took a look at me for a moment before looking back at Eddie.

“Es muy bonita, mijito.”

I watched Eddie’s cheeks go pink before he coughed into his fist and placed his hand on my lower back to lead me over to the kitchen counter.

Meeting Isa, Lucia, and Carmen was like reacquainting with people you knew in a different life. Right away, we bonded over how white wine was superior to red as Isa poured me a glass of what they were drinking.

Eddie talked with his mom, helping her prep the soup as I chatted with his three sisters about my time with the band.

His family is so supportive of Cross My Heart having been to a few of the shows over the last three years. They talk about Eddie with such high regards, so proud that his band is going places.

Isa and Carmen asked a lot of questions about Theo and Silas, being the two single ones out of the Ramirez siblings, and I couldn’t ignore Eddie’s head whip in our direction when Isa said how Theo was the hotter of the two.

“Don’t even go there,” he said to her.

“You have no room to talk,” Isa responded in the same way I’ve talked to Mateo before during one of his protective lectures.

It looked like she had more to say, but instead Lucia chimed in, eyes dropping to Eddie’s neck. “You still wearabuelo’schain?” Lucia asked.

Eddie brought his hand to his neck, lightly touching the chain before rubbing his palm against the back of his neck, a flush in his cheeks.

“Yeah, ever since mom gave it to me after graduation.”

“Better you thanhim,” Lucia replied. Something passes between Eddie and his middle sister, and I realize who they are talking about.

---