Page 138 of Crash & Burn

I fucked up with the two people who I owe everything too, and I fucked things up for them too.

This is what I get for not thinking things through. This is what I get for being selfish and only thinking about myself. This is what I get for not worrying about what could go wrong in an attempt to avoid hurting two of the most important people in my life.

I smile, but there is no happiness behind it. Instead, it is just lifting the corners of my lips upward in an attempt to stall the tears threatening to escape again. I shake my head no before I turn around to where Lacey and Emma are helping Drew with her hair, adding tiny braids in the midst of her red curls with little butterflies clipped to the ends.

I widen the smile on my face, hoping that if I pretend long enough, the smile will become a real one.

I spend the rest of the morning trying to stay in the moment, rather than get trapped in my mind. I keep trying until everything with Eddie and Mateo falls into the back of my mind, admiring Drew as Lacey and Emma finish her hair, as Annie adds the finishing touches on her makeup, and as I pretend that my heart isn’t currently sitting at the bottom of my stomach in a million tiny pieces.

Chapter 48

Mia

When it is my turn to walk down the aisle, holding my bouquet of red roses, my black silk dress dragging on the floor behind me, it takes everything in me not to glance at Eddie, or Mateo, knowing I’ll lose it if I look directly at either of them. They are standing in front of the first row of chairs, facing the aisle, but I keep my gaze forward as I follow Lacey and Annie to the first row on the opposite side.

I’m saving the rest of my tears today for Drew and Emmett.

The music changes after Emma gets to her spot next to me, and I reach down under my chair—where I put my camera earlier—to start getting photos of the ceremony

There isn’t a dry eye in sight when Drew walks down the aisle, her eyes cloudy, staring at Emmett who is looking at her like she is his whole world.

She is wearing a long-sleeved white dress that hugs her figure, the silk material accentuating every curve. The neckline is high, but her back is on full display as the material hangs low, adding an edge to the otherwise simple, yet beautiful.

She is holding a bouquet of red and black roses as she slowly walks towards Emmett who is sporting an all-black fit, a black velvet suit that hugs his massive frame, all his hair pulled back in a bun, his smile shining behind his beard.

I get shots of them both as they make their way to each other, and it is so easy to capture the love they have for one another.

My job feels almost too easy when the people I’m taking photos of forget I’m there, focusing on what they’re doing, letting me freeze the beautiful moments in time for them to cherish forever.

Drew and Emmett are so focused on one another, I wouldn’t be surprised if they forgot about me—and everyone else in this whole hall.

The venue is basically a big warehouse, with greenery and string lights lining the walls and ceiling, black and gold accents speckled about. There are chairs lined with the twenty or so people here for the ceremony with a big wooden bar lining the back. It is right next door to the hotel we were all staying at and it will be flipped to hold the reception when the ceremony finishes.

Emmett reaches up to wipe a stray tear from his eye as Drew walks herself down the aisle.Tyler, the officiant, does an amazing job relaying to the small crowd of loved ones how Emmett and Drew found each other when they both least expected it. A beautifully tragic love story where the two of them helped each other heal and learn to love not only each other, but themselves too.

I’m trying not to focus on Eddie, but it takes every ounce of effort I have left. I also have to actively avoid looking at my brother, worried that him dismissing my gaze, refusing to look at me altogether, may send me into another panic attack.

Eddie is seated with the other groomsmen in the first row on the right. He is the first one off the aisle with Drew’s brother, Calvin next to him, and Mateo is on the other side of Cal. I’m watching the ceremony from behind the camera, thankful for the distraction of being able to focus on getting all the perfect shots of Drew and Emmett rather than having to sit in the heat of Eddie’s green eyes.

Reminding myself that this is a moment I don’t want to forget, I, once again, push all the thoughts of Eddie and Mateo to the back of my mind, the pit in my stomach the only reminder of the shit show I put myself in.

I focus on the intensity in Emmett’s eyes as he looks down at the love of his life. I focus on the soft smile on Drew’s face as she slides the black ring on to Emmett’s ring finger. I focus on the way Emmett squeezes her hand as he says, “I do.”

“Emmett, you may kiss your bride. Drew, you may kiss your groom,” Tyler says, and I brace myself for the tears threatening to blur my vision as I forget the world around me to get the photo I’ve been waiting for since I offered to take these pictures.

Emmett brings a hand to Drew’s cheek, leaning down slightly because of their massive height difference, even in Drew’s heels, and presses his lips to hers.

I take as many photos as I can, clicking the button in hopes to capture the perfect shot, and it isn’t until Emmett pulls back do I let go of my camera to hang around my neck and clap and cheer with the rest of the small crowd.

“Congratulations, you guys,” I say as I wrap my arms around both of them, needing the hug more than I’d like to admit. “I’m so happy for you two.” The wedding party followed Drew and Emmett to a private room while the venue employees set up the hall for the reception, the small crowd of guests surrounding the bar while the tables get set up around the dance floor.

I don’t have time to chat more with them as they make the rounds to the other bridesmaids and groomsmen, one of those groomsmen who gives them their congratulations and starts to make his way over to me.

I glance to my right to see Annie chatting with my brother, but I still don’t think it is a good idea for Eddie and I to be anywhere near each other.

I’m about to turn to Emma and Cal to avoid Eddie, but my feet glue to the floor when I take a second to look at him. I’ve been avoiding it all afternoon, but now that he is walking towards me, I take him in, and there is no going back.

His brown hair is more tame than usual, but I know that he has been running his fingers through it. His black velvet suit matches the one Emmett is wearing, but the white dress shirt underneath Eddie’s accentuates the tan skin peeking out of his collar. He has a black tie that I have the urge to reach out and grab, so I can pull him closer to me, and his green eyes bore into me, and I never want to look away.

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