Page 36 of Crash & Burn

Theo and Silas were disappointed that Mateo put a damper on their “who could get drunker” contest, but I was thankful to be home after such a whirlwind of a night.

I kept my mind off what happened with Eddie at the bar before going to bed because I started thinking about how I was going to spend my time over the next three months.

Since the guys won’t be practicing as much and only have five more shows after the one this weekend, I’m going to have a lot of free time on my hands but not a lot to fill it with during the next three months.

I was scrolling through jobs that coincided with my yet-to-be-used marketing degree when I noticed that the Cross My Heart social media pages were getting a lot more traction since I started posting on there more frequently.

There were some comments and direct messages asking about the photography and the social media campaigns, and the follower count was consistently growing. I started playing around with the idea of focusing on my photography as a career.

I felt an excitement about the possibility of a job that brought together what I went to school for and something I love, so I started putting together elements for a website that could launch my freelance services. With Mateo coding websites for his nine-to-five, I could launch the site sooner rather than later with his help.

I didn’t fall asleep until 3 a.m., so I plan on avoiding the awkwardness of this road trip with Mateo and Eddie by sleeping in the backseat.

We are staying the night at a hotel near the venue and driving back Sunday, so I pack an overnight bag with some jeans to wear to the concert and clothes to sleep in. Mateo wants me to wear Cross My Heart merch to the show (in addition to the band member badge I’ll have around my neck), so I don’t get confused with someone in the crowd, but I’m still waiting to pull it out of the dryer.

Because I’ll be spending the night in a hotel by myself, I also decide to pack everything I need for a perfect night: a face mask, a bottle of wine, and my laptop. I plan on watching my reality TV show reruns, uninterrupted and alone, which I’ll need after being at a crowded concert venue for three hours.

I also grab my favorite hoodie that is now permanently stained with three splotches of coffee, but no one will be seeing me once I’m locked in my hotel room, so it doesn’t matter.

The perfect night, in my opinion.

It is about 7:30 a.m. when Mateo texts me that he and Eddie are parked outside my apartment complex, so I lock up my place, grab my overnight bag and my camera bag to head to the lobby.

“You ready?” I hear Mateo ask as I climb into the backseat.

“As I’ll ever be,” I reply as I pull out my headphones from my backpack to listen to a podcast to pass the time.

“Any song requests?” Eddie asks, and it isn’t until I see the reflection of Mateo’s eyes on me in his rearview mirror that I realize the question was directed at me. I can tell by the way my brother is looking at me that he wants to know how I’ll answer.

“Oh, don’t worry about me. I have a podcast to listen to,” I say as I awkwardly hold up my headphones to show him as if he has never seen a pair before.

I’m suddenly feeling flustered, and I don’t know if it is because the absolute last thing I have is a song request or if it is because the memories of last night come rushing back when I take a second to notice Eddie’s side profile.

His elbow is resting on the center console with his phone in his hand. His dark hair has a slight curl at the end that makes me notice the tan skin lining his neck. He’s wearing a white hoodie that lookssimilar to theone of mine I ruined, only his looks so much more comfortable. I notice for the first time a gold chain around his neck, simple and small.

He turns around more, so his eyes find mine.

“What kind of podcast?” Eddie asks, a hint of a smile on his face.

“True crime.”

“You don’t listen to music when you drive?”

“I don’t drive much. I walk most places.” I avoid the true nature of the question, but it doesn’t matter because he follows-up.

“So you’re not a music person?”

I don’t really know how to answer this question because I am.

Or I was.

I used to be.

But not anymore. Now, I’m a person who usually drives, runs, walks, or sits in silence until my thoughts become too loud. Then, I became a podcast person.

My face must reflect the spiral my mind is going in because Eddie lifts an eyebrow at me, and our eyes are locked. Something passes between us, and I forget that Mateo is in the car. For a few moments, it is just me and Eddie, and I want to tell him everything. There is something in his eyes, in his gaze, that knocks down the walls I have built up. I feel like he can sense it too because he lets his usual mask slip.

In the time I have gotten to know Eddie more, I’ve noticed that he never lets his guard down completely, and his form of a defense is a happy face. I feel like he lets me see slightly past it every so often, and that is when the sadness deep in his eyes becomes more prominent.

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