Page 45 of Crash & Burn

Mateo and I head backstage to where Theo and Silas are, but Eddie isn’t with them. My heartbeat has evened out, and my adrenaline is wearing off. There is a dull pain on my arm, and I know I’ll have a bruise tomorrow, but that isn’t important right now.

I need to find Eddie.

“You good?” Theo asks when Mateo and I walk up to him and Silas.

“Yeah, thanks,” I reply.

“No right hooks today, Rocky?” Silas asks, trying to brighten the mood.

“Almost,” I manage to say, letting out a dry laugh, but my mind is elsewhere. I was ready to throw a punch, and I would have if Mateo didn’t yell out when he did.

“He’s outside,” Theo says, reading my mind, jutting his chin towards the door that leads to the back parking lot.

I glance at my brother to find him looking at me. I've always been able to read his face like a book, but today I see a look I don’t recognize. I turn away before he can say anything and nod a thanks to Theo before heading straight out the back door.

A rush of cool air meets me as I push the heavy door open. It leads to a private gated lot where our car, a few others, and all the bands’ equipment vans are parked. It is still light outside and I find Eddie pacing. There’s no one else out here, but I’m not sure he notices me.

The door slamming behind me pulls him out of his head and his eyes immediately lock with mine. In no more than a second, he is standing right in front of me, his hands gripping my shoulders.

“Why didn’t you meet us by the booth?” he asks, but he doesn’t sound angry. He sounds like he is in pain.

“I was looking at the pictures I took,” I answer because, for some reason, I feel like I owe him an explanation. I gave my camera to Mateo before I came out here; otherwise, I would show Eddie what photos I was looking at to distract him from whatever battle is happening in his head.

With his hands still gripping my shoulders, he pulls me in and wraps his arms around me, one hand on my lower back, one hand holding the back of my head, and I instantly feel any tension in my body dissolve. My arms wrap around his waist and my head rests against his chest.

With my head resting where it is, I can hear Eddie’s heartbeat. It starts out fast, beating loud against the side of my head, but the longer we stay like this, the slower it gets.

I don’t know how long we stay like this, but I think I could have stayed in his arms forever. There is something about his embrace that makes me feel safe and protected, which I never thought could be a feeling I would long for after so many years of feeling suffocated by Mateo treating me like I would fall apart at any moment.

With Eddie, it’s different. I don’t feel like he’s trying to keep me from breaking into pieces. It feels like he is reminding me these pieces of me mean something.

Like they mean something tohim.

“I was going to kill him,” he says into my hair. “When I saw his hand on you, I knew at that moment I was capable of killing him.” His voice is just above a whisper, but it is heavy with pain. Pain like when he asked me why I didn’t meet them at the booth.

Until today, I’ve never heard his voice sound like this.

I tighten my arms around his waist. “You’re not capable of hurting a fly, raindrop.” I whisper into his chest, adding the silly nickname I made for him in hopes to alleviate the weight I hear in his voice.

He loosens his grip around me and leans back to look down at me. The hand behind my head slowly finds the side of my cheek.

“I don’t think you know what I’m capable of, sunshine.”

Dark, long lashes contrast with the green of his eyes. The green that is drowning in a mix of the familiar sadness andsomething else. His gaze is locked on me, pulling me in with every second that goes by.

The longer I stare into his eyes, the more I want to destroy everything and anything that puts this sadness there.

And that thought scares me. It means I’m at risk for caring about him in ways that I shouldn’t.

My eyes find his scar and follow it from where it starts in the middle of his forehead, down to where it ends where his dimple would be if he was smiling.

I act out of instinct not completely thinking about what I’m doing, as I run a hand up his chest until I find his cheek, swiping my thumb along where that dimple would be, as if my touch would magically make it appear, magically make him smile.

As I do this, his eyes never leave mine, and his body is completely still aside from the slight movement of his head as he leans into my touch.

I move my gaze down to his lips, slightly parted, and my heartbeat quickens.

And so does Eddie’s. With my body still pressed against his, I can feel the effect I have on him, and he can feel the same from me.

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