Page 49 of Crash & Burn

Mateo is right; I want nothing but to protect her.

What he doesn’t know is that it isn’t because she is like a sister to me. It is because she is the first person to make me feelsomethingafter being numb for so long.

“You both are hotheads though,” he laughs. “I’m starting a Punching Jar. Anytime either of you throws a punch, you put a dollar in the jar.” Mateo slaps my back with a smile on his face. “And you both owe me a dollar.”

I laugh along with my best friend, knowing it comes off as genuine because of years of practice. I’m good at faking the smiles except to a certain pair of pretty brown eyes that see right through them.

There is no way I am ever forgiving myself for lying straight to Mateo’s face.

Chapter 16

Mia

Not only is my body tired from the long day, but my brain feels like it has been on overdrive for the past twelve hours, and more so than usual. It has been working hard, but it doesn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon.

I keep replaying the day in my head, trying to pinpoint where my combination of feelings are coming from while trying to keep them all straight.

My stomach has a pit in it, and I have a feeling of uneasiness floating in the air around me about leaving things with Eddie unfinished.

I feel so incredibly proud with how the first show went, but I’m also pissed that it was ruined by some asshole who was looking for trouble. I’m happy to feel a part of something for the first time in so long, and it feels good to have people in my corner, but I also know that nothing good lasts forever.

I try to focus on the reality stars on my laptop screen trying to find love on some island, but it’s hard to stay engaged after seeing this episode two times before. Watching TV show reruns is usually therapeutic to me in a way I don’t want to read too much into, but it isn’t cutting it tonight.

I exit out of the Netflix tab before closing my laptop. I glance at the clock on the side table and see it’s just after eleven. I reach to turn on the lamp next to it to get some light into the dark hotel room because there’s no way I will be falling asleep anytime soon.

I lay back and close my eyes, taking advantage of the silence.

My ears still have a slight buzz to them after being around such loud music and crowds cheering, and the remnants of adrenaline from earlier are still moving through my veins making me restless.

After Mateo came to talk to Eddie, I went back inside and found Theo and Silas who stayed within two feet of me everywhere I went for the rest of the night. Mateo came back in after a few minutes saying Eddie was going to head back to the hotel for the night, and the four of us watched the rest of the bands from backstage.

I tried to hide my concern for Eddie not staying for the rest of the show while also trying to ignore the disappointment I felt with him not being around.

As I lay in the king-sized hotel room, my mind drifts to what happened in the lot before Mateo came out. I try to ignore the butterflies in my stomach at the thought of the stolen moment.

Eddie and I didn’t get a chance to talk about what happened, and it seems like our list ofstuff we really should talk aboutis getting longer with every passing hour. There was his concern for the dream I had on the car ride here, and his reaction to what happened after their show.

And the kiss.

I’ve thought about kissing Eddie—more times than I’d like to admit—and I can’t help but think Eddie has thought about kissingme. I didn’t even have time to register it until it happened, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

I thought my friendship with Eddie would be simple. Simple, harmless, maybe even fun, but my mind spirals with all the hot and cold, and I am starting to see that nothing about our friendship—relationship?—is simple.

I try to untangle everything going through my head, remembering what my therapist says aboutmebeing the one to have control of my thoughts.

Do I want to talk to him about my dream?Kind of.

Do I think we need to talk about what happened at the show?Yes.

Do I think we need to talk about the kiss?Definitely.

Friends don’t kiss each other.

And if they do, they talk about it.

Right?

It was just the adrenaline because of the show and what happened, and we weren’t thinking in the heat of the moment. I have to keep telling myself that—the truth—or I think I’ll go crazy.

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