Page 72 of Crash & Burn

So where do I fit in? I’m still trying to figure that out. Annie, Drew, and I are the same age with corresponding interests and personalities that all complement each other, but I don’t have the greatest history with girlfriends. I’m hoping this time is different.

Something tells me it is.

There is something about this group that feelsreal. Like we don’t have to put on our polite faces and sugar-coat what we want to say. There is this mutual understanding that we all share something in common, whether that is what we have been through or the kind of people we are, but it is something I don’t ever want to lose.

Eddie and Luke close everything up at Lenny’s, and we all pile into two cars to head downtown to a karaoke bar. Mateo is driving one car with Annie, Theo, and Silas.Emmett is driving the other car with Luke, me, and Eddie and Drew in the front seat.

I didn’t think Drew and Emmett would end up coming, but when Drew batted her eyelashes at Emmett telling him that she wanted to celebrate her last Friday of the summer before going back to school next Tuesday for her third year of teaching, he couldn’t say no to her.

It is 10 p.m. on a September night. Some rock song Drew and Emmett like is playing on the speakers of Emmett’s Jeep, and the windows are down, letting in the warm summer air. I’m sitting between Luke and Eddie, and I can’t settle down the buzzing of my skin that is touching Eddie. My jean-covered thigh is resting against his slacks-covered one, even though there is plenty of room in the back seat. Luke is distracted by something on his phone, his face tense in a way I haven’t seen before, and Eddie is looking out the window. The music playing is loud enough that there is no need for conversation as we drive.

The place we are headed to is a few blocks from my apartment, so it will be nice to walk home later tonight.

My hands are resting on my legs, and I feel a pull to my right, where Eddie is sitting. His left hand is relaxed on his thigh, and it looks empty without mine.

With a mind of its own, my hand slowly inches to the edge of my leg resting against Eddie’s, and I feel a flip in my stomach like I’m on a first date hoping he holds my hand.

Which is stupid, and I know that. Maybe it is the high I feel being around these people who are beginning to mean so much to me, I can’t help but lean into the feeling.

These three months have been busy, but they have not been distracting enough to make me forget about thewhat ifswhen it comes to Eddie.

What if he wasn’t my brother’s best friend?

What if I told him that day in the car that he wasn’t reading too much into everything?

What if we could explore these feelings we have towards each other?

What if I could make him see that he isn’t the broken boy he makes himself out to be?

“Careful, sunshine,” I hear in my ear. I was too in my thoughts to realize he turned towards me and shifted, so his lips were close enough to my ear. The music is still loud, and there is no way anyone can hear him over the wind rushing in from the windows.

“We don’t want the whole car knowing how much I want to put my hands on you.”

My chest is on full display tonight, but I am thankful for the minimal light because I feel all the blood rush to my chest. I got a blush out of Eddie today, but he wasn’t going to let me be the winner any longer.

His words hold secrets that make my skin tingle, and my body ispainfullyaware of the power his words have over me.

“If it was just us right now, do you know what I would do?” he asks.

I can’t respond, lying to myself that it is because I don’t want anyone to hear me, but Emmett is cruising on the highway. You can barely hear the music over the wind. I turn to see Luke looking out the window, his phone forgotten on his lap.

I swallow, feeling a shiver down my spine, even though I am far from cold.

Eddie leans in even closer, so close that if he moved his lips, I would feel them against my ear.

“If we were alone right now, I would tell you that good girls don’t tease. If you want to hold my hand, reach out and grab it.” Eddie slips his hand into mine and lets out a small laugh. Not only do I feel a shock through my system at his words, but his laugh is icing on the cake.

I could say something back, teasing him, playing into his hand, or I could just enjoy his hand in mine as we drive.

And I decide to do just that.

We get to the karaoke bar a few minutes later, and Eddie slips his hand from mine before Luke, Emmett, or Drew can notice.

I don’t let myself dwell on the emptiness in palm, or the voice in the back in my head asking what the fuck I’m doing as I slide out of the backseat onto the sidewalk.

Mateo’s car pulls up right before Eddie’s Jeep, and we have a few blocks to walk.

Emmett and Drew start walking, holding hands, and making everyone around them jealous of how cute they are.

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