Page 102 of Back To You

Annie didn’t even let me finish asking her if she’d handle the bakery side of things at the coffee shop before she said yes, promising she’d make the time she could during rotations.

This soft opening of the coffee shop is just the Lenny's crew, the grand opening being the day we’ll be joined by other friends and family, minus Jack who decided he would be spending a few more weeks up north at his family’s cabin and Bennett who is here in spirit.

Mia has been gaining traction on the shop’s social media accounts, gaining a following and some excitement for the grand opening. We’re so close to having it open to the public.

It’s Sunday morning and the first snow of December, and I like to think the beautiful day is thanks to my brother.

Lately, the days have felt easier, lighter,brighter, than they have in weeks, and I’m trying my best to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Life won’t ever be the same without Bennett—things like the opening of the coffee shop, his birthday, the holidays, and all the other celebrations to come will look different without him, but I know he wouldn’t want me to stop living, even if I can’t always ignore the guilt of going on without him.

My talk with Emmett, opening up to Annie, continuing therapy; all of it has helped me realize that Bennett was always right—life is too short. It’s too short to not chase after the things you want and letting go of whatever holds you back from that.

I won’t ever let go of Bennett, not for as long as I live, but I’m working every day to let go of this guilt I have of living when he doesn’t get the same chance.

I like to think it’s what he would’ve wanted for me.

“You’ve waited this long, you can wait two more minutes,” I reply, pressing a kiss to the top of Annie’s head, the snowflakes in her brown hair wetting my lips.

After my talk with Emmett, my mind was all over the place, my feelings started to make more sense, but I couldn’t get what he said about honoring his sister in his everyday life out of my head. I also couldn’t get the thought of Annie out of my head.

When I ran out of Lenny’s to my car, the air felt clearer, the moon shined brighter, the pavement under my sneakers felt more stable.

When I got home, it feltnormal, like I was coming home from work, on anynormalday, to find Annie in theshower after a night of stress-baking—the dark chocolate cupcakes cooling on our kitchen counter, the smell of the peanut butter frosting still lingering in the air.

For the first time in weeks, I felt like my senses were awakened, that I wasn’t just living in black and white anymore.

It didn’t feel like I was underwater, that my limbs were fighting the pressure trying to drown me. I felt like I was finally able to swim.

“The guests of honor!” Drew yells, holding bundled-up Lennon on her hip, one of Emmett’s arm around them, the other holding something behind his back, something I asked him to bring for me as a surprise for Annie.

Mia and Eddie are finishing up taping a big red banner, Eddie pulling a pair of scissors from his back pocket for me to cut as our official opening, and I can’t believe we actually did it, thatIactually did it.

The place is done, ready to open for business, and it’s mine.

Not my dad’s, not what I think he wanted or what would have made him proud—it’s mine.

I walk Annie and me up to the door, all of our friends knowing the name of the coffee shop, and the reasoning behind it, Annie being the only one still in the dark.

“I haven’t had a chance to say congratulations,” I say to Eddie and Mia. Annie told me a few days ago that Mia was pregnant, but I kept it to myself that I’ve had a strong feeling since Halloween.

“Thanks, man,” Eddie says, from where he’s standing behind Mia, his arms wrapped around her. I give Mia a little wink, gaining a smile and shake of the head fromher, both of us keeping the fact that I already knew a secret for the two of us.

“Are we going to get this show on the road or what?” Annie says, my hands still over her eyes.

“So impatient, Annie girl,” I tease, warranting chuckles from our friends, even Emmett.

“I’ll show you impatient when I break your fingers,” she says through her teeth, but the sentiment is quickly forgotten when I uncover her eyes and she sees the fresh vinyl on the door with the name of my—our—coffee shop.

In all honesty, anything that’s mine is already hers.

She brings her hand to cover her mouth, the Hey Honey Coffee and Co. logo, beautifully designed by Mia, was the perfect final touch to the coffee shop. The bold letters are surrounded by a wreath of roses with little bees flying around them. Under the logo, the words in vinyl go straight to my chest. “Est. December 14”—Bennett’s birthday.

It took me a long time to figure out who I was when I wasn’t out there trying to impress the father who never cared much about my success to begin with, especially if it didn’t benefit him. It took me an even longer time to realize that I didn’t need him to be proud of me for me to be proud of myself.

Since high school, since giving up the hockey scholarship, I haven’t made many decisions that were for me and my future.

Today changes that. Today marks the day where I am proud of myself, and how I got here, with the people who support me at my side—those who got in the way nowhere to be seen.

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