Page 32 of Back To You

“When are you going to admit you have feelings for Luke?”

“Who has feelings for Luke?” Drew asks, as she closes the screen door behind her, holding a baby monitor.

“Annie,” Mia answers at the same time I say, “No one.”

“Well, duh,” Drew says as she sits down, setting down the baby monitor on the table in front of us. “We all know that.”

“You all know nothing,” I deadpan.

“We know that both of you have feelings for each other. Luke is obvious about it, and you pretend you don’t like it when really you do,” Mia informs, proving to me that I’m not as good at hiding my feelings as I thought I was.

“We know thatsomethinghappened between you guys when you were young, the same waysomethinghappened at my wedding,” Drew adds. “We want you to know that we love you and support you, and there is nothing you can tell us that will change that.”

I cross my arms, feeling defensive because it’s like the walls I’ve built over the years aren’t as strong as I thought they were.

Or, there is nothing strong enough to keep these two out.

I let out an exhale.

I’ve never felt the urge to open up about Luke to Mia and Drew, only because I don’t want them to take on any of my shit. It’s mine to deal with for a reason, not theirs.

I can’t tell them how it hurts to breathe when I think about what happened between me and Luke.

I can’t tell them that I finally feel like I have a heartbeat again after all these years of thinking my heart didn’t work.

I can’t tell them that being near Luke is so fucking confusing because all it does is bring up all these feelings and memories I have no business remembering.

If I tell them, it can be used against me—a way to hurt me.

That’s what happens when you let people all the way in.

“I know what you’re thinking.” Drew sighs. “I know that look.”

“What look?”

“You’re thinking of all the ways to keep us out,” Mia answers for her, and I can’t hide the surprise on my face at the fact that I think these two bitches are mind-readers.

“It’s what you do, Ann,” Drew continues. “You keep us at arms-length, and you think we don’t notice.”

“That’s not true,” I argue. “You two are my best friends.”

“Exactly,” Mia counters, grabbing my arm from where it’s crossed over my chest, and wrapping her hand around mine. “That’s how we know when you’re pushing us away.”

“We know you,” Drew urges, getting up to sit on the other side of the patio couch Mia and I are on. “We know you pull away when you think you’re asking for too much, but I’m telling you right now that there is nothing you can do that will ever make us love you any less.”

I feel a sting in the back of my eyes. “You guys don’t get it. I’m not the kind of person who people want to keep around. I do more harm than good, and you’ll see it, one way or another.” The words feel therapeutic to get out, but the weight on my shoulders doesn't lighten. “I’m going to do something that’ll make you see that I’m not worth all of this.”

Drew grabs my other hand with both of hers, and I look at her, tears welling up in my eyes. “You are not a burden, Annie. Not to us or Emmett, or Eddie, or Luke. You are our family.”

I let a tear fall from the corner of my eye, the first tear I have let fall in I don’t know how long. Drew’s eyes glisten, and she looks at Mia.

“We know what it’s like to feel like you have to be strong, even at your weakest,” Mia assures me, “and we have both felt the universe actively working against us, especially when we’re barely holding ourselves together.”

Drew’s hands squeeze around mine at the same time a few more tears race down my cheeks. With the hand not holding mine, Mia tucks the hair framing my face behind my ear. “But it will also give you people who will hold you together if you need to fall apart.”

“I wish it were that simple,” I whisper, closing my eyes.

“Itisthat simple,” Mia stresses, and for a second, I let myself believe her.

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