Page 55 of Back To You

I shake my head, and his hand on my cheek drops to the pile of our hands on my lap. “There’s nothing you could have done,” I say, finding my voice, wiping a tear that came loose.

He asks again. “What happened at Grant’s party, Annie?”

My eyes find his again and the walls come up before I can stop them—like a defense mechanism that initiates without me even thinking about it.

“What happened the night before, Luke?”

I read the confusion all over his face; it’s as easy as reading a book I’ve read a thousand times. There’s something like guilt there too, maybe for what happenedthat night with Devin or maybe for never telling me, but it’s there.

“I—” he starts, “honey, I was so drunk that night. I barely remember the night before. Why? Why are you asking about it?” His voice shakes, and there’s an urgency to it.

I stand up from the couch, not even registering what he says, causing Luke to lose his balance a little before standing up with me. “Forget it,” I say, and I feel the familiar crack in my chest because it sounds like an excuse. Just when I found my heart again, just when I realized it wasn’t broken beyond repair, it shatters again hearing him questionmerather than tell me the truth.

“Annie,” he pleads as I walk to the guest room. “Please, tell me what I did, and I will spend my entire life making it up to you.”

I stop just outside my door, and so many emotions hit me right in the stomach. Did he really think I’d never find out he cheated on me? Does he really think that I’d forget it after all these years? Devin showed me that video and told me they hooked up.

How could I not believe her when I was seeing the two of them right in front of me, playing over and over again on her phone?

“I can’t do this right now,” I finally say, but I can’t turn around. If I see him, I’ll fall apart. I’m not like Drew or Mia, I’m not strong enough to look him in the eyes and tell him that what he did may not have meant something to him, but it was everything to me.

It was every single comment from my parents about being a waste of space. It was every single rumor that those girls spread about me. It was taking away my sense of worth bit by bit until there was nothing left. It wasevery convoluted message I internalized about how I wasn’t worth the trouble.

The lesson I know all too well: the person closest to you has all the power to hurt you.

And for me, that person is Luke.

So why am I wishing I could fall into his arms, so he can make it all better?

I resist the urge, hoping I can go to sleep tonight and convince myself that this has all been a bad dream.

That Luke never ran into Grant.

That Luke never asked me what happened the night I left.

I wish I could go back to the blissful ignorance of this morning, thinking to myself that maybe Luke and I finally would have our second chance.

But second chances aren’t meant for people like me.

“Goodnight, Luke,” I whisper, before walking into the guest room and closing the door on us.

Chapter 22

Luke

She put her walls back up.

Just when I thought I’d never see them again, she built each and every one even taller and stronger than ever.

She asked me what happened the night before?

What the helldidhappen the night before Grant’s party, and why is it a complete blur?

I know I drank a lot with the guys that night, more than I ever had before, and it was years ago, but did I really blackout the night I destroyed my relationship with Annie?

I’ve been pacing outside her door all day, hoping to see her, but she’s been avoiding me. She only comes out when I’m not around—either when I’m letting Rosie out or when I’m in my room.

My hands are in the pockets of my jeans, and I feel the tube of cherry lip gloss I stole of Annie’s a little while ago. I carry it with me as a reminder of her, along with the tattoo on my thigh that has finally fully healed. Both a secret I keep for myself, aside from Eddie who was with me for the tattoo.

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