Page 59 of Back To You

Maybe, if I stay where I am, looking at Drew and Mia’s confused faces that are looking past me at the person who is now walking towards me, she’ll go away. Or, maybe, if I’m lucky, the ground will swallow me whole.

Why did I think taking a second to explain to Drew and Mia why I wasn’t myself tonight would be the end of it? Why did I think the universe would be on my side? That I can run in here, forget that Luke ran into Grant and dug up all the feelings I’ve desperately tried to keep buried, grab this powdered sugar, and just enjoy the rest of my night with my friends before I start the toughest year of my education tomorrow.

Of course not, luck has never been on my side.

“Vivian?” I hear it again, and this time, the voice is closer.

“Do you know her, Ann?” Mia asks, her hand gently grabbing my elbow. My arms are still crossed over the bag of powdered sugar I’m holding to my chest, and if I squeeze my arms any tighter, the plastic might pop.

“Can we help you?” Drew says, her voice polite, but I can tell that she is wary because of my reaction.

I finally turn around, and any traces of the new and improved Annie melt away. I’m no longer the girl who takes no shit or bashes the truck of a grown man with a baseball bat.

I’m the girl who is afraid of her own shadow because it might be taking up too much space.

Devin looks the same, just older. Her brown, almost black, hair is still pin straight, but it’s cut to fall just above her shoulders, and she has harsh bangs across her forehead. Her blue eyes are similar to Luke’s—only I wish I could float in his. Devin’s eyes have always had something lurking below the surface, something that will swallow me whole.

“It’s been so long,” she says, and the smile she has on her face, as if she’s happy to see me, is insulting. “Grant told me he ran into Luke, but I didn’t think that meant I’d see you.”

My first instinct is to ask her what the hell she means by that, that she has no business eventhinkingof Luke, but my mouth feels dry. The words don’t come.

When I don’t say anything, she continues. “I’ve meant to reach out over the years. I really do feel bad about how we left things.”

“You feelbad?” I grit out, finally finding my voice, and I feel my nails dig into my palms as I clench my fists.

“Of course I do,” she exclaims, almost as bad an actress as Drew and Mia. She’s holding a basket with a few groceries over one arm, the other she brings to herchest. “I only showed you the video, so you’d know the truth. I know you might not see it that way, but I did it for your own good.”

“Video?” I hear Mia ask; I feel Drew’s wariness behind me, while all I feel is anger coming from Mia.

“Oh, sorry,” Devin says, looking past me at Mia and Drew. “I’m Devin. I was friends with Viv—”

“Annie,” I interrupt, but it’s no more than a whisper.

Devin looks at me. “Did you say something?”

“I go by Annie.”

“Oh, right. I could never get used to Luke calling you that.” She laughs, but it’s more of a cackle. “Anyway, you seem to be doing,” she pauses, looking me up and down, and I feel smaller than I have in years, “well.”

There’s so much I want to say, but I feel trapped inside my body.

“And for what it’s worth, if it weren’t me, it would’ve been some girl he met in college.” She shrugs her shoulders, and she tries her best to look genuine, like she actually believes what she is saying or that it’s helpful in any way.

If I didn’t know any better, I might have missed the patronizing look with the familiar trace of triumph on her face.

“We’re leaving,” I hear Mia say over my shoulder, and I feel both her and Drew place a hand on my back, leading me forward past Devin. As we pass her, I avoid her eyes, watching the floor as we walk down the aisle.“And for what it’s worth,” Mia says over her shoulder, “being a mean girl in your twenties is embarrassing. Get a fucking life.”

***

Walking out of the grocery store is a blur. One of the girls bought the powdered sugar, the other helped me to the car. The whole time, I couldn’t stare anywhere but my shoes, trying to at least hold it in until I got to the car.

Drew put me in the backseat with her, and before Mia could even drive out of the parking lot, I was crying into Drew’s lap.

It’s the first time I think I have truly cried—not just a few tears—since the night Devin and the other girls sat and watched me in the corner of Grant’s parents’ basement.

But I’m not crying because of what just happened.

I’m crying because of how I let someone like Devin have so much power over me for so long. Someone who was supposed to be on my side but turned on me the first chance she had. Someone who I trusted to be there for me, to support me, but used my deepest fears against me.

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