Page 66 of Back To You

I get to be hers.

And I’m not letting anything get between us this time around.

After the surprise of not only my rose tattoo butherrose tattoo, we spent the night on the couch with theSunday Dinner leftovers and talked about anything and everything.

It was the first time since we were teenagers that we just let the conversation ebb and flow however it felt right, talking about anything and everything—the conversation moving through our past, our present, even our future—almost like we were making up for lost time. And because it’s us, we still bickered and argued, flirted and teased, but it would’ve felt wrong without it.

Annie and I have been able to see what the other has been up to over the years, sharing celebrations, holidays, birthdays, and achievements with the Lenny’s crew, but it has always been from afar.

Last night, she didn’t feel so far away anymore.

We talked until the sun set; Annie couldn’t keep her eyes open, tired from the emotional weekend and in need of rest for her first day. Her head was on my lap as I told her that I was going to call my dad and tell him my decision to not take the position at his firm.

Her eyes looked heavy as she listened, reaching for my hand that was idly drawing circles on her arm, and she told me she was proud of me.

I could’ve talked to her all night, but it was the eve of a very big day for her. I walked her to the guest room, hoping she would let me follow her in. She didn’t, but she kissed me goodnight, and that was enough for me.

For now.

It felt like the beginning of something new and exciting, and I have to keep reminding myself that we can’t just pick up where we left off, no matter how much I want to. We finally have our second chance, and we need to do things right this time.

We were kids the first time around, latching on to each other as we grew up because it felt safe in the midst ofthe madness unfolding around us. Falling in love with Annie was as natural and seamless as breathing while losing her felt like the ground was crumbling from beneath me.

I lean back in Emmett’s desk chair, my mind not where it needs to be to finalize this schedule. I’ve been staring at my laptop screen all morning, my mind going back and forth between wishing I could go back and change what happened in the past to being somewhat thankful for it.

I’ve never been someone to waste time being angry about something out of my control. I try to stay positive, see the bright side of things, or find the silver linings—I always have. Even through all the shit with my parents and the time I spent chasing a goal that was never mine to begin with. I like to think that the choices I made brought me to where I am supposed to be.

Without my mom’s affair and my dad taking me away from my biological father, I wouldn’t have been able to grow up with Bennett and Caleb.

Without the time I spent in college and law school, I never would have ended up at Lenny’s or found Emmett, Drew, Eddie, and Mia.

I know I would’ve found Annie. I’ll find her in each and every lifetime.

There’s a silver lining in all of it.

And yet, I can’t help but feel this intense anger thinking about that night at Grant’s. I was taken advantage of that night by a girl who had the sole purpose of hurting the person who mattered most to me.

I don’t like to hold grudges, but being used as a pawn in Devin’s sick game isn’t something I can easily get over, especially since it cost me so much for so long.

It would be easy to blame Annie for not telling me sooner. She could have come to me that night, or even the next morning—hell, she could’ve told me when I asked her at Lenny’s months later—but I can’t.

I can’t blame her for protecting herself.

I can’t blame her for doing what she thought was best.

Especially not when I didn’t give her a choice on whether or not she could keep me out of her life.

Knowing Annie, how strong she is, how much she’s overcome, how many odds were working against her, I can’t imagine the pain she must have felt that night when she thought I cheated on her.

It’s easy to think that cheating happens, that people get over it. But it wasn’t just that, not for Annie. I was the only person she let herself believe wasn’t going to bail when things got hard. She let me see her, every part of her, in ways that no one else had. We grew up together, supported each other, fell in love with one another, and she thought I was throwing that all away.

How could I fault her for protecting herself? For doing what she had to. Forfinallyputting her and her feelings first, above anything and everyone else.

I don’t blame her for these past seven years, for the years we could have spent together, because I got to fall more in love with the person she became, the person she grew into—the bold, strong, confident woman who speaks her mind and takes what she deserves.

Devin, on the other hand, is easy to blame.

Not only for what she did to me, as hurtful and problematic as it was, but for what she did to Annie. For hurting her out of spite and selfishness, and for not caring about the lasting effects her actions would have.

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