Page 90 of Back To You

“Why wouldn’t I be?”Bennett answers, glancing at me from the driver’s seat. He’s only five years older than me, and sometimes the age gap doesn’t feel that big, but on days like today, it feels like there are way more years between us.

“Because Dad basically disowned you last night,”I answer, the collar on my dress shirt feeling tighter the more I think about the fighting between the two of them last night. They were downstairs in my father’s office, but I could hear the screaming from my bedroom upstairs.

Between my dad’s insults to Bennett’s intelligence, to calling him lazy and ungrateful, to belittling his choice to give up law school and become a firefighter, I could hear it all.

“You’re already in your first year of law school, why not just finish?”

We pull into the parking lot of my high school; Bennett pulls into a spot and cuts the engine. “It’s not what I want to do.”

“But Dad said—”

“Luke.” His voice makes the rest of my words get caught in my throat. Bennett turns to me, and the serious expression on his face looks weird on him. Bennett is always smiling, always laughing, always looking on the bright side.

He doesn’t look like my brother right now.

“Being a lawyer, that’s what Dad and Caleb want. Me? It sounds like the worst possible job in the world. I’m not about to waste any more time doing something I don’t want to do. Life is too short.”

“But,” I start. I hear the words he’s saying, but I can’t make them make sense to me. I can’t imagine being in Bennett’s position, going against our father, giving up the path and privilege he was given with law school and the position waiting for him at the family’s firm.

“But nothing,”Bennet says before I can say more.“Life isn’t about doing what everyone wants you to.”

“Then what is it about?”I challenge, anger simmering under my skin. It’s being directed at Bennett, but it’s not him I’m mad at. I’m madforhim. Mad that he is the greatest brother—greatestperson—in the world, yet our dad doesn’t seem to see it.

Bennett exhales.“I don’t know. But what I do know is, we all deserve to chase after the things we want and let go of anything—or anyone—who holds us back from that.”

His words catch me off-guard, but I’m not sure what I was expecting him to say in the first place.

Do I even know what I want?

I know I want to go to college and play hockey, and I get to with my scholarship. I know I want Annie by my side, my brotherscheering me on. I want to prove to my dad that I’m a son he can be proud of, and I want to be happy.

A few moments pass, the silence stretching in the car. I see my friends and their parents walking into the cafeteria entrance, but I’m in no rush to join them. I look at my brother and find his blue eyes, identical to mine, and some of my frustration subsides.“Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask my brother.

I watch as that serious expression of his fades, a wide grin taking its place. A grin that shows all his teeth, making the skin near his eyes crinkle, accentuating the shine in them.

“I’m more than okay,”he answers.“I know being a firefighter isn’t as cool as being a hotshot hockey player,”he lightly punches me in the arm, trying to make me smile,“and if Dad doesn’t want to support me, I don’t need him in my life.”

I want Bennett to do what he wants, but if Bennett doesn’t follow Dad’s path, who will?

I’m the only one left.

I have so many thoughts and emotions swirling around in my brain, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get them all straight. Bennett deserves to be happy, but what about my dad? Caleb? Who’s going to fill Bennett’s spot? Junior year is almost over, and I have yet to decide what I want to major in. The scholarship allows me to choose, and I can play hockey as long as I keep my grades up. I thought I’d have all of senior year to decide, but maybe if my dad’s path for Bennett didn’t work for him . . .

I don’t finish the thought because my brother digs his elbow into my arm, bringing me back into the moment.“Someone’s waiting for you,”he says, a small note of teasing in the way he sing-songs it.

I glance out the window to see Annie waiting outside the cafeteria doors, her brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, the familiar red sundress she wears for any formal event making my breath catch as if I haven’t seen her wear it a dozen times.

“Shut up,” I mumble to my brother. Even though I’ve known Annie for most of my life, we’ve only been officially dating for almost three years, and Bennett still gets a kick out of teasing me about it.

I reach to open the passenger side door, not wanting Annie to keep waiting outside alone, but I freeze when I hear my brother ask,“What would you do if someone told you that you were making a mistake with Annie?”I turn to look at him, confused why he would even be asking that.

Annie isn’t a mistake.

If anything, she’s the only thing I’ve ever gotten right.

Bennett continues,“That being with her was the wrong choice, or that there was someone better out there for you? What would you do?”

“I’d tell them to fuck off,”I answer quickly, my eyes going back to Annie. She’s looking around for me, constantly stepping out of the way of the people still filing in now that the banquet starts in less than five minutes.

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