Page 100 of Back To You

It’s mine.

And I couldn’t have done it without my Annie girl.

Chapter 40

Annie

Luke texted me that he was going back into Lenny’s today, and that he wouldn’t be home when I got home.

Seeing that gave me mixed feelings.

My mind had to focus on everything being thrown at me for this new rotation at the animal clinic I started at this week, but it kept going back to Luke.

I couldn’t keep my thoughts straight, and even on my way home, I’m reeling over how he’s doing, how he’s feeling, what’s going through his head.

When Drew and Mia confronted me at Lenny’s, it really made me take a step back and reevaluate my job as a supportive partner to Luke.

Luke has always been the one to tell me that everything was going to be okay, that we would figure it out, that things would be okay. I’ve relied so heavily on his positive outlook on life, his golden smile, the sparkle in his eyes, and I took so much of it for granted.

He was also my rock to lean on, the constant I knew would always be there, even when I tried to convince myself I didn’t want it.

Now, it’s my turn.

And I couldn’t be his rock when I was burying myself alive.

After Emmett took Luke’s three night shifts, and Mia and Drew took on No Name, the coffee shop, I could finally justbethere for Luke. Maybe Luke doesn’t need me to do everything for him, maybe he just needsme, especially now that he’s going back to work.

I unlock the door to our apartment, and I'm greeted by Rosie.

When Luke is home, she’s stuck to his side as if ready for him to lean on if he needs support. She’s been the one who stayed with Luke since Bennett’s funeral, promising me, Drew, Emmett, Mia, and Eddie that he was okay alone.

A small part of me hoped Luke would be home, not because I didn’t want his first shift back at Lenny’s to go well but because I just want to see him.

We’ve been living under the same roof, but it feels too much like when I had to move in after my apartment break-in, something that feels like a lifetime ago. There’s too much space between us.

I miss him. He feels so far away, even though he’s right here.

I don’t push him to talk to me, but our conversations don’t go far. I don’t recognize him right now while he’s living in this fog, but I’ll wait forever for the Luke I know to make his way out of it.

It’s Thursday, so I have a little extra energy because tomorrow is Friday and then it’s the weekend—it makes sense in my head—and I won’t be able to wind down knowing that Luke isn’t home, so I decide to do what I do best and stress-bake.

I haven’t had as much time to do it as I had planned when rotations started, but that doesn’t mean I’m less stressed than I thought I’d be.

I kick off my shoes and drop my backpack in one of the chairs on the kitchen counter, and then head into our bedroom to change out of my scrubs and into something cozy.

I wash my hands when I’m back in the kitchen, trying to focus on the smile I hope blooms on Luke’s face when he sees I’ve made his favorite dessert, rather than worrying about how he’s holding up right now.

I start by putting a pot over the stove to melt some dark chocolate for my cupcake batter.

Thanks to my gift from Luke, my cherry-red stand mixer, I made quick work of the rest of the batter, pouring it into the cupcake tray I put liners in while the mixer was going.

Just like the break-in at my old apartment, Luke buying me the stand mixer after my first day of my rotation year feels like a lifetime ago. It’s only been just over two months, yet it feels like it could’ve been two years—twolifetimes.

I place the cupcakes in the oven, then quickly move onto washing the bowl to start on the peanut butter frosting, the recipe I know by heart, but I can’t help but think about how the hell I ended up here in the first place. I’m making Luke cupcakes inourkitchen.

How did I ever think Luke wasn’t it for me?

How did I convince myself that I wasn’t the luckiest girl in the world for being the girl he loved? Or, how did I ignore that I was the stupidest person on the planet to let him go?

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