Page 54 of Back To You

We argued over dinner about theTwilightfranchise—me forever arguing with Mia and Drew, and now Luke, that the first one is the best one—and we fought over whether or not the movies would be better with different casting—me saying no, him saying yes.

We finally decided we would watch the first one, Luke being overly familiar with the series as a whole because of how much I talked about the books with him when I read them in middle school.

“I blame you for how well I know these movies,” he tells me halfway through.

“You’re the one who didn’t tell me to shut up when I would give you chapter synopses as I read the series.”

“Why would I have told you to shut up? It was the only time you would actuallytalk,” he teases. I try to block out the memories of the old Annie, trying to forget how much of a wallflower I was growing up.

“This is why you should be careful what you wish for, just look at me now,” I tease back.

“Speaking of that,” Luke starts, his eyes on the TV screen from where he’s sitting next to me on the couch. It felt natural to stretch out next to him, putting my feet in his lap. And somewhere between the opening credits, and the first-time Bella sees Edward, he started to idly rub the tops of my legs. “You’ll never guess who I saw today at Lenny’s.”

“Who?” I ask, watching as Jasper flips the baseball bat in his hand in arguably the best scene of the movie.

“Grant.”

Neither of us hit the mute button, but everything goes silent— Luke, the TV, Rosie playing with one of her new toys at Luke’s feet. The world around me drowns out, and I feel like I’m being pulled deeper and deeper underwater.

My throat burns with the need to breathe, but I can’t suck in any air. My breathing is shallow and my lungs start to burn.

I bring a hand to my chest to steady myself, trying over and over to take in a full breath. It takes a couple tries, but I finally get some air in.

What the hell was that?

Luke somehow ended up knelt in front of me, but it’s different from the last time he was on his knees for me.

Last night, it made me feel desired, in control,powerful.

Right now, it makes me feel exposed, small,weak.

“Annie?” Luke whispers, or maybe shouts. I can’t tell through the pounding in my ears. “Annie?” he says again, and this time it sounds more clear.

“What?” I answer, and my voice cracks.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his features taught with concern.

I clear my throat, shaking my head and tucking my hair behind my ears. “Of course I’m okay. I just—” I pause. I take one look into his baby blues, and I try to ignore the pressure building behind my eyes. “I just haven’t thought of Grant in years,” I lie, but the concern etched on Luke’s face doesn’t fade. “Brings up a lot of memories.”

Luke tilts his head; his hands are on my knees as he’s knelt in front of me. I clasp my hands together, and they feel clammy and cold. “Did something happen at Grant’s that night?” he whispers.

He’s asked me about that night before, when he first started working at Lenny’s, but I shut it down. Told him to never bring it up again.

It makes sense that he’d come to this conclusion, thatsomethinghappened that night, not only because it’s the night I left but for my reaction to hearing that he saw Grant tonight—does Grant even know what happened between Devin and Luke? Are Grant and Devin still together? Was she there? Did Luke see her too? Did she say anything about that night? Why would they comehere? To Lenny’s? Tomyplace?

I nod, not trusting my voice right now, but Luke doesn’t push. Instead, his hand cups my cheek, not letting me look anywhere but his eyes. “I know thosegirls—Devin and all of them—were your friends. And I know something happened between you all.”

My stomach drops, and I want to shake my head and plug my ears, anything to avoid thinking about bullying that still affects me more than I’d like to admit, but Luke holds me in place, and I feel the warmth of his touch over my entire body.

“I also know that you didn’t deserve to lose your friends just because you guys weren’t interested in the same stuff.”

I close my eyes.

“I don’t know everything that happened,” he continues, “but I am so sorry it did. I can see it still affects you.”

I never blamed Luke for anything leading up to Devin showing me the video of him. He had so much going on between his family bullshit and hockey. I could’ve confided in him, or anyone for that matter, when the bullying just got worse, but I didn’t.

That’s my fault. Not his.

---