Page 64 of Back To You

The words put a literal hole in my chest, and my eyes start to water, but not for the reasons he thinks. He thinks he’s explaining a night where he got drunk and cheated on me, but it is so much worse.

“I don’t remember any girls being there that night. It was just the hockey guys. But the more I thought about it, the more Eddie and Emmett asked me questions to help me remember. I think someone tried to kiss me that night. I don’t know who it was or what I did because then the memories are literally just black and all I remember is waking up on that same couch the next morning.” His eyes find mine, and I watch a tear fall from one and then the other, and then my own tears follow. “I’m so sorry, Annie. I don’t know why I would even do something so awful, and it’s even worse that I can’t remember.”

“Luke, stop.”

“Please, Annie. I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Please,” he begs, and I don’t deserve it.

“Stop,” I say again, a little harder this time, just so he’ll listen. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

His face twists in confusion, and I reach out and grab his hand, bringing it into my lap. “Listen to me. The night of Grant’s party, Devin and the other girls showed me a video of you and Devin.” I used to think of that night and feel sadness completely wrack my body, weighing me down like an anchor being thrown in the sea.

Now, I see red and only red.

And it takes everything in me to keep my voice even as I continue, wishing I could wring Devin’s neck right here instead. “She was in your lap, holding your face as she kissed you. I think that’s what you’re remembering.”

“No. No. She wouldn’t do that. She was your friend. I know you guys weren’t getting along, but she wouldn’t have stooped tothatlevel. Plus, I would’ve stopped it.” His voice trails off before he adds in a whisper, more to himself than to me, “If I had known, I would have stopped her.”

Luke’s head is shaking as he processes so many things at once. He doesn’t know how bad things got with Devin and me, and how could he when I brushed off the rumors she started as childish and immature or told him it was the girls sneaking backstage to hide my costume was a harmless joke?

I never told him about why I would eat lunch in my English teacher’s classroom or why I would avoid the hallways as long as possible to avoid getting tripped or shoulder-checked.

He didn’t know Devin would stoop that low because I never told him she already had.

“Luke, sweetheart, this isn’t about me right now. This is about you.” I squeeze onto his hand I’m holding and reach out my other hand to cup his cheek, just like he does with me. “You couldn’t have stopped it because she had the power. You didn’t.” I pause, taking a small inhale because it is taking everything in me to not walk out of this apartment and drag her here by the hair to show her the hurt she’s caused. “What Devin did, you were drunk and couldn’t consent.”

He shakes his head, letting out a humorless laugh. “We were kids.”

“We can’t just brush over it.”

“We’re not brushing over it, and I understand the severity of it. I do,” he grabs the hand I have on his cheek, turning it to leave a soft kiss on my palm, “but, I’m not letting us only focus on that when I wasn’t theonly one hurt. And that the night was only the start of it.”

“What she did, it doesn’t matter that you were kids. It wasassault. And it’s not okay.”

“I know, it’s not. ButIwill be okay.”

I want to tell him to stop doing what he always does—trying to stay so positive, even at a time like this. There’s nothing positive about this; there’s no bright side or silver lining.

He doesn’t let me tell him though because he adds, “I’m sorry it took so long for me to remember.”

I shake my head. “Don’t you dare apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who is sorry. Until last night, I didn’t know you were drunk in the video—drunk enough to not even remember the night.”

“You’re not the one who should be sorry.” He reaches his fingers to my cheek, carefully putting a piece of hair behind my ear.

“I assumed the worst and never gave you a chance to explain.”

How can he be sogood? Even at a time like this?

“Honey, you thought foryearsthat I cheated on you. And that I was lying about it. That’s why you’ve been pretending nothing ever happened between us. That’s why you left.”

I huff and drop my hand from his cheek. “Are you kidding me? I’ve been preparing myself for weeks to tell you all of that, and here you are just saying it for me.”

“How many times do I have to tell you? I know you pretty damn well.” He smiles at me, grabbing my hand and joining it with our others in my lap. “I know you, better than I know myself. And I know that you weren’t keeping your walls up around me and everyone else for no reason. I knew something happened, and I knew noone, especially not me, was going to make you talk about it. So, I took what you would give me. I played the long game, and I figured in the meantime, I would try to make you fall in love with me again.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course I did. And I can be very persuasive.”

“No, idiot. You didn’t have to make me fall in love with you again because I never stopped loving you in the first place.” My lips crash into his before I can think otherwise. My arms loop around his neck as his snake around my hips as he pulls me on top of him, my legs instinctively going to either side of him as he leans back on the couch. “I love you,” I say against his lips, making his arms instantly tighten around me.

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